Tag Archives: poetry

Struggle

Unattainable

He is not what I want

Defenitely not what I need

But when I look into his eyes

I fall at his feet.

He is not the one for me

He is not even close

He does not act like he wants to be

I get his thorns, but who gets the rose?

Roses are beautiful,

but a bit less, when you realize they’re not for you

They belong to someone else

And that is your truth

You can look at them,

really take that beauty in

may be even feel the soft petals

knowing it may be a sin

Knowing you are getting yourself in trouble

Cause you know your eyes go soft

when they see that red velvet

mistaking it for love

Girl, don’t you know

Dealing with thorns won’t get you to the flower

As long as you get so weak around him

You’re just giving him all your power

You need that for you,

to make your rose bloom and grow

Create the reddest red

cause the right person will know.

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Struggle

5 wishes

I’ve got five wishes

I want someone to be a loving person

I want them to be up for fun things

And not just that, but also to come up with fun things.

I want them to be clear to me, just answer me

And I want them to show a little effort.

Five wishes and yet it feels like too much

They don’t have to be gorgeous

They don’t have to buy me things

They don’t need to fix things for me

They don’t even have to want just me

I just want them to be a certain type of person

A little bit of me, but then able to love me more

Why does it feel so unattainable

Why does it feel like they don’t exist

I always saw myself as the low maintenance one

But may be that is just not want they want?

It’s just not me to be playing games

I refuse to wait 1.5 hours before texting someone back

I am not gonna ask a lot of a person, just to feel important

I will not make someone life difficult, just as a test

I don’t think that has to do anything with love

That’s possession, and I am not for that.

I just want to love someone

spend time with someone

and basically my wish is one: for someone to actually want to spend time with me too.

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Struggle

My hands

Waiting for a text from you

An answer to the questions asked

but why do I read into it so much

As if every word from you is an answer to my love

There I said it: love.

Can we speak about such a thing though,

when it might just be control?

I want to wrap you all around my finger.

You however, just touch the tip of my pinky

and I run along with it

knowing how easily a connection is lost,

why don’t just hold my whole hand?

You do it when we are in public,

like I am your arm candy,

but when we text, I miss some of that sweetness,

I need some sugar from you, man.

To hold my hand like that

You gotta earn it

I am not sure if you are there yet

But you make me feel so proud when you do, that I forget

I am proud to enter a room with you

I feel relief when you kiss me

But then again, you kinda diss me,

at moments that matter too

It’s not in my hands,

it’s in yours.

Your big, strong hands,

That have wrapped me all around them all along.

It’s like a chokehold and I can’t let go,

If even I wanted to, I am stuck with you

Or rather, with me and the obsession with us two

Cause I am just not that strong.

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Heartbreak, Struggle

Alone

I am alone

Just at home

Waiting by the phone

I can’t get in the zone

I can only wait

while I am dealing with this hate

with the thoughts my brain can create

when you are late

I just sit here

Trying to steer

To have no fear

About you not being near

I don’t know what to do

when you don’t come through

and my thoughts ain’t true

putting a darkness around you

I know I should not

actually believe in that thought

but sometimes it becomes so hard

when we are apart.

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Struggle

Dear Madonna

‘Borderline, feels like I’m going to lose my mind’

She sang, like she knew what she was singing about.

However, dear Madonna, that is not quite how it all works.

Let me explain why you are a fraud.

Borderline does not feel like you are about to lose your mind,

It feels like you’ve lost it ages ago,

and it suddenly shows again.

And not in a fun way though.

It’s never just the one thing either,

It always comes in chaos,

It is overwhelming, you can’t see clearly,

it just busts down any doors.

Doors in your mind you thought were safe,

Storing that trauma perfectly,

All getting bust down,

Showing all the ugly.

So no Madonna, it hasn’t got to do with anything,

that you sing about.

It has nothing to do with love,

it just comes over as one dark cloud.

Nothing cutesy, nothing to appreciate,

just hard work to keep it all together,

and for loved ones not to worry,

and just wait for sunny weather.

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Struggle

Walls up

You can talk to me,

You told her.

As a while from now no one will ask you

How you are doing.

My heart broke as I heard you speak

The girl that never wants to hear the question

So hey, how have you been?

The girl that even avoids the question at all times.

Later you told me you are so happy

That that guy that has not treated you well

Is so invested in your well-being

Asking you how you are doing, and really care about it too.

Dear friend,

I cry on the inside when you speak the words

Cause that same day I had this awful feeling all day

And I got the courage to finally ask you, hey how are you doing, knowing you would hate it.

And all I got was exactly what I expected.

Just a wall, a facade, saying haha I’m fine, you crazy

I can’t be there for my friend.

Not because I don’t want to

But because she won’t let me.

It’s up to her of course,

If she feels better confiding in Mr random,

Go ahead.

All I ask is don’t lie to me.

You know exactly what you are doing.

You can’t fool me

You are only fooling yourself.

And hurting me in the process.

For loving you and being by your side.

It’s not fair, and yet I can’t do anything about it.

Guess I’m just for fun.

Kinda like you were to that guy before

You now appreciate so much.

It’s all so contradictory

And it got me feeling handicapped, stupid, sad.

Telling myself this is just a phase,

Being debris in your devastating ways.

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Heartbreak

Endship

A few months ago you were crying on my couch,

I listened, I gave advice, I was there for you,

you and her broke up and you were devastated.

but now you treat me as another one of your headaches.

I do not want anything romantic nor sexual from you.

I just want to have my friend in my life.

But I guess that would be a one way street forever,

as you seem to have met your future wife.

I’m just here being happy for you, 

She seems awesome and you are so in love,

doing all the things you never want to do with me,

so I guess you must be happy.

However, happiness I know is different,

it means people are upbeat and extra friendly,

But you seem to have some kind of tunnel vision,

forgetting about others, our friendship is done.

I feel so stupid for ever believing,

exes could be friends.

Cause people keep telling me, showing me,

that I believe in things that cannot be.

Not wanting to play the tiniest violin,

I decided to speak up to you.

Multiple times, on multiple occasions, I tried,

but you only think I am trying to pick a fight.

Just telling my friend I miss him,

makes him angry and mad.

Because I am forcing him to feel guilty,

and with that you are making me feel filthy.

I know you think you are better than me,

in some ways you probably are,

but at least I tried to speak the words,

and tried to heal before things get worse.

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Happiness

The door

Staring into your eyes in the hallway

The time keeps ticking

but I don’t even notice

Cause there is no thinking

There is no thinking when we stare

Just affection, and a whole lot of attraction

I push my lips onto yours,

My hand under your shirt, ready for action

Yet there is this door behind you

It’s waiting on either of our hands

To reach for the doorknob and open it

Instead of undoing eachothers pants

The door is right behind us in this hallway

but secretly it is in between us two

soon it will divide us

and I’ll have to go back to missing you

It got me wondering what is wrong

as I miss you after just a second

Is it that unfillable void on the inside

or is it just our extraordinary bond?

You, you are in my head, heart and mind

There is this feeling I simply need

Don’t want to miss out on you and my full self

Cause when you are around, I feel complete

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Therapy

Not my own

Help.

Help me.

I’m trapped inside a mind.

A mind that is not my own.

I’m trapped inside the mind of a lunatic.

Got me feeling all frantic.

Not acting like I should.

Not doing the best I could.

Help me.

For I’m trapped inside a mind.

A mind that is not my own.

I am stuck in these thoughts, they’re tainted.

They are not like the perfect picture I had painted.

Emotions got me feeling a type of way,

running wild, now I don’t know what to say.

Save me.

For I’m trapped inside a mind.

A mind that is not my own.

I don’t dear to speak out loud,

Too afraid of what comes out.

Could these feelings be the real me?

Or are they just that distorted part of me?

Save me.

Cause I’m trapped inside my mind.

A mind that is fully my own.

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