Undeserved

You came home, happy to see me.

I looked at you, not happy to be me.

Cause I knew what I had to do,

And I was about to lose you.

 

Even when I spoke the words out loud,

There was still a shadow of a doubt,

You did not deserve this treatment,

of being made redundant.

 

Together with the words, tears started to pour,

As this hurted us both, straight to the core.

You did not respond the way I expected,

You made sure my feelings weren’t neglected.

 

You started to comfort me,

probably not having to deal with yourself, I see.

As tears rolled down your chin,

I felt like washing myself from sin.

 

The relief I felt about tell you,

Was expected, but not fully true.

I felt the pain more than I’d imagined,

and you took it better than I had reckoned.

 

Now it is upto the hands of time,

To see if somewhow you are still mine,

Not just my own, but someone close, 

That is what I’d love the most.

 

I am not in any position to have any say,

I know that I fucked that up that day.

I just hope you will be a happy man,

with or without me holding your hand.

 

Not reliable

“Finally”, you sighed,

“everything is back to normal again”,

It had indeed been hectic,

But that is basically my life, my friend.

 

You wanted something to hold on to tightly,

Something to trust,

But I was checking out quietly.

Realizing what was my curse.

 

I can’t be stable, it’s just not me,

When I get stuck,

when I feel stuck,

All I want is to be free.

 

I am not treating you right by wanting this,

I know I am not, I know,

But this big old hole, it’s still in my heart,

cause there’s something I miss.

 

Something that will make me incomplete,

something that should have been there,

Maybe it’s unmendable,

Maybe it makes me obsolete.

 

It is hard to make this so much about my feelings,

Cause it will affect you,

Just like it will affect anyone around me,

And how to handle it, I have no clue.

Choke

Your hands are tied around my neck,

The air has no way to go.

I enjoy it, but yet I am scared,

Do I care if you go too far?

 

You apply a little more pressure, just a bit,

I feel like I am high,

But at the same time so done with it.

Is this everything I am to you?

 

Am I just a little plaything,

a person to experiment on,

a mind to put to the test,

or do you understand what I am coming from?

 

Do you know why I love your hands around my neck?

Why I like you being unpredictable, taking things too far?

Are you aware I am addicted to the feeling,

of you and me being in this war?

 

This constant battle of push and pull,

this chokehold that is cutting my heart in two,

bound to love those fingers around my throat,

while secretly desiring us to be through.

 

You are the best that has happened to me,

But the worst too,

You are the most dangerous thing I’ve ever encountered,

At at the same time you are perfect to me, you.

 

You are a dance with the devil,

but the feeling is so divine,

My feelings are kept in the dark,

but they shine through at the same time.

Little lamb

Big eyes, looking at me,

expecting the world,

blinded by butterflies,

you are done being free.

 

I indulge myself in your love,

Addicted by your attention,

Knowing I’m doing you wrong,

But I can’t get enough.

 

You are like a lamb, so innocent,

cute and sweet,

Yet your way to the slaughterhouse.

I am not your friend.

 

I am taking you to this place of death,

I should be nothing to you,

Yet you keep looking at me, filled with love,

And to me that’s crystal meth.

 

A toxic affair, in love you fell,

You should not have cause I hold your leash,

Cant you tell I walk you to the butcher,

Frustrated with you, the urge to yell.

 

Break free and run through the woods,

Leave while you still can,

I am about to eat you alive,

and I am just damaged goods.

Cold and empty

You seem distracted,

Somethings definitely off,

I feel a tension arise within me,

the emptiness, the lack of love.

 

I can be pretty sensitive too, you know,

When it has started, it is done,

I noticed you stopped reaching,

and I can’t seem to overcome,

 

You mean way too much to me,
You have my heart in total control,

but on the other side there’s you,

your silence crushes my soul.

 

The warmth I feel for you,

it starts to fade away,

the cold is setting in,

I wish you’d just stay.

 

I haven’t even spoken to you,

but I know something is wrong,

I am counting the seconds until the end,

afraid of that moment you’ll be gone.

 

I am not sure if I can handle this,

this cold is just a little too familiar,

I can’t believe I am at this point again,

how could I’ve let things gone this far?

So close now

It started off as this thing,

we did just for fun,

but what I did not know then

is how things had only just begun.

 

You said there were no butterflies,
and I wasn’t sure if I should care,
my heart has been broken into a million pieces,

and then you were there.

 

Our start might have been a bit rocky,

though we were always good,

there were so many question marks,

until we both understood.

 

Two people that want to be together,

should just follow their hearts,

even if there is just mutual adoration,

and not some true love in the cards.

 

Now we have been together for a few months,

and we are growing closer, it shows,

even people around us notice our relationship,

as we stand together through highs and lows.

 

This will not be forever,

And you will find bigger love for certain,

until that time I will be here,

enjoying every moment, til destiny closes the curtain.

 

Comfort in scars

When I hear that song,

you know which one.

My mind goes places,

and my heart is gone.

 

Cause it makes me think of your face,

and it cuts deep within,

you beautiful smile,

that was really something.

 

It felt magical to be with you,

but pretty heartwrenching at the same time,

cause I gave you my all,

and yet you could not be mine.

 

And now I only have your music to remember,

The scars on my body will stay for many years,

they comfort me as they remind me of you,

and yet, they have caused me so many tears.

 

In a way they are the greatest comfort there is,

when I made them, but also carrying them all,

they also show the pain you have caused me,

and how it felt to take the fall.

 

They comfort me more than you can these days,

You are distant, though it is written in the stars,

I love you forever, even if it stays unanswered,

I will always find comfort, comfort in my scars.

Trapped because of you

I woke up in the middle of the night,

It seemed I had been sleeping on your arm,
Yet you were laying there so peacefully,
waiting for your morning alarm.

 

You seems so comfortable around me,

It sometimes makes me jealous,

I wish I could feel so at ease with this,
but you still make me a bit nervous.


I notice it when I look at you too long,
I can sense the butterflies waking up,

Your beautiful face, my feelings so strong,
They are dangerous but I can’t make them stop.

You are a risk to me,
Something that I should avoid like the plague,

and yet something that I feel so connected with,

while also being very vague.

 

I do not want to avoid you at all,

Just to be there with you is what I long for,

you are making this nearly impossible,

windows won’t open when you close this door.

 

I feel trapped inside myself,

but yet it all is because of you,

you are a gift and a curse,

in a love that can’t be true.

Supposed to be friends

You were just a friend.
Not even mine,
But there was something about you,
That gave me a piece of mind.

You were just a friend,
when our eyes met at her place,
I tried not think too much into it,
But it was written all over my face.

You were just a friend.
When we started texting on a daily basis,
our conversations intensified,
and I wondered what it was.

You were just a friend.
When you asked me out for a drink,
My heart was screaming out yes,
but then, what would my boyfriend think?

You were just a friend.
When you confused me with your awesomeness,
Cause you kept telling me beautiful words,
warm things that felt like a soft caress.

 

You were just a friend.
When I tried to not fall for you,
When I tried so hard not to be that girl,
who in the end did not come through.

You were just a friend.
When our lips met at the train station,
When I just decided we had to stay friends,
Your lips made me feel like vacation.

You were just a friend.
When you dared to kiss me again,
And when I kissed you back passionately,
I realized you could not be my friend.

Cuteness

It is easy to be cute,

when you are always bad.

Just say one sweet thing,

and I am no longer mad.

 

You do drive me mad though,

I do not know how to handle you.

And you do not know what to do with me,

we both don’t seem to have a clue.

 

You can be sweet like sugar,

warm like the sun,

and then bang, cold as ice,

I should’ve been long gone.

 

Yet I am still here,

thinking about that handsome face,

feeling so happy to be in your arms,

wishing we could do this for days.

 

You are an amazing man,

but your insecurity torments me,

you are so unsure about everything,

yet somehow you do not set me free.

 

It feels so perfect when you are here,

when it is just us against the rest,

I know you feel the same way,

it’s just too bad time goes by so fast.

 

You make me forget what time it is,

you make me feel like loving a man,

a man that might not love me back,

but that I somehow understand.