Always looking, thinking its there,
This sense of being loved,
And yet never really believing it,
Which is so unfair.
It is not just unfair to me,
as I need to keep looking,
doing my best, giving my all,
not really letting other people be.
I ask so much, the cup is never full,
Do you think you can keep up?
No matter how much you will push,
Here I am, ready to pull.
Many have tried before you, dear,
Tried to make me feel the love,
Giving me all the attention I’d ask for,
But I can’t let go of this fear.
It seems impossible to give myself away,
just as impossible as it is to connect,
No matter how perfect you may be,
Somehow I can never stay.
I wish I could dust this off my shoulder,
As it is as impossible to you as it is to me,
Always needing other people,
Without them swiftly growing colder.
I should let my self love blossom,
like a pretty flower within,
but I can’t even create a seed,
nothing to pour this water on.
I am working on it, I know,
I need it for me, but mostly for you,
Can’t be treating people like this no more,
But what if it will never grow?