Not to be taken lightly

I screwed things up.

I really did, didn’t I?

You were so open to me.

And yet I chose to lie.

Never ever have I regretted,

Anything I ever did.

As much as I do now.

Cause you did not deserve it.

I was so scared to lose you.

And then I made things worse.

It may sound easy.

But it is nothing but a curse.

Cause it might seem

Like I have moved on

But you weigh heavy on my heart

Since you’ve been gone.

Not a day goes by that

You haven’t crossed my mind

And I can only think of the hurt

To your heart, while it was so kind.

We haven’t talked in so long

And we probably never will.

Not because I don’t want to,

But because I should keep still.

You will think that it means

That I do not care at all,

But it is quite the opposite,

And now I am taking the fall.

You do not need me in your life.

I do not want to interfere

And you wouldn’t believe me anyway,

Cause of the pain I caused someone so dear.

I made my bed and now

I will have to lay in it,

Ashamed for taking you down,

And endlessly sorry for the wrong I did.

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Dead butterflies

I feel them flapping their wings,

I sense their urge to fly and flutter,

Everytime I look into your eyes,

It is like my heart starts to stutter.

 

I cannot let it go this far,

Cause I know what you will say.

I am not ready to hear those words from you,

Not tomorrow, not today.

 

You will say the words I have heard,

a thousand times before.

And you will break the leftovers in my heart,

till there is no way of breaking them anymore.

 

Are there still butterflies in the world?

I keep on catching dead ones.

 

Are you not okay to just pick me,

Or is your heart not in it, though your mind is?

Is this dating in this day and age,

cause it makes it hard to feel bliss.

 

I want you so bad,

but it’s best giving you the cold shoulder, I guess,

You might even come around then,

when did love become such a mess?

 

Are there still butterflies in the world?

I keep on catching dead ones.

 

I am surprised I still feel them,

inside of me, waiting to spread their wings and fly,

even though I keep bumping into caterpillars,

they are just not ready to die.

The embrace

We sat there, next to each other,
but yet with something big between us.
Would it go away if I acted on it?
Was it even there in the first place?

You must have felt the same.
You put your arm around me,
the comfort I felt, was indescribable
The longing for more, turned into something unstoppable.

And you must have felt the same.
Your warm embrace turned warmer,
Your face was so close to mine,
You looked so fine man, so fine.

 

Guitars

We were sitting on your couch
talking like we always would.
But somehow there were more pauses.
As if we knew what was coming, dude.

As we were surrounded by guitars,
I asked you to play me something,
little did I know,
that would make things turn into more than just a fling.

As soon as you grabbed the guitar,
held it in your arms so lovingly man,
your fingers automatically found their way,
and I fell in love with you, right there and then.

I was listening to the beautiful tune you played,
while shamelessly watching your gorgeous face,
For one second I forgot about all my issues,
That hadn’t happened in so many days.

Now I am struggling to the max,
as I need to forget about you.
Sometimes my heart still wanders off,
cause my mind can’t always come through.

This love should be stopped,
as it will make none of us better,
But the feelings are so strong,
my heart, sometimes I just let her.

I fantasize back to that evening,
just sitting there, knowing something was up,
but in my heart I know you don’t feel the same way,
so I do almost everything to make my heart stop.

Away

I love how you take me away
even if it is for just five seconds,
not thinking about anything,
making me feel like everythings okay.

A guy with a single tattoo
placed on his underarm.
I did not expect I would find it
one of the sexiest things I ever saw.

As I was looking at your books,
knives stuck into them,
I realised how dangerous this was,
the knives did not frighten me though, it was me.

I can’t decide if my heart is just too open,
or if you are just so special
that you broke into me,
sweeping me away with your charm.

I feel a deep connection,
but what if it’s not there?
Can love be real,
if it is just one person feeling it?

I have tried so hard not to fall for it,
To just be strong and move on,
but that moment I saw you play some old song I never heard before,
I realised I was in way too deep.

Let go

If you love something,
let it go,
and if it comes back to you,
keep it.

It’s something people always say,
and quote, being all smart,
but the fact of the matter is,
that is simply not how it works when it comes to the heart.

If you truly love,
the thought of letting go is true horror,
plus, why would you go through the moarning,
what is that supposed to be used for?

If you truly love something,
do anything you want.
Don’t tempt yourself into playing games,
or to test someone, it’s not true.

Just love, and love as hard as you can,

Especially if the feeling is so strong, man.

Never never

All I have been doing lately,

is escaping, not thinking.

A timeline filled with beautiful memories,

and yet I do not feel anything.
I can only sense the void,

that is left in me now that you’re gone,

The void that has been torturing me,

not just now, but since we are done.
Cause even though I text you 

just every once in a while, boo,

I miss you every damn day,

cause to me we simply ain’t through.
I feel like a fool,

when I tell people our story,

cause I see them think I’m crazy,

I see them feeling sorry.
Yet I know what I know,

I believe what I choose to believe,

And that is that there is love between us,

even though us being together was brief.
I loved you from the moment 

I first layed eyes on you,

And I will always love you, always,

cause to my heart you are true.

Declaration

You don’t answer my text,

and I get ready for another lonely night,

I know you will respond later,

but it does not feel right.
My heart hopes you can’t respond,

cause you are on your way to my place,

just so you could stand in my doorway,

and declare your love face to face.
Oh silly heart, this ain’t a movie,

the head knows this will not end well,

you will be broken, every night,

waiting for this boy to ring your doorbell.
His heart simply does not sing,

the way yours does in living color,

he is not appreciative of your love,

so what the hell are you loving him for?
He tells you he has a great time with you,

but his butterflies for you are non existing,

girl, protect yourself from this silly man, 

cause these real life things have no happy ending.

I had to put them there

I saw it coming from the start,

But still it came as a surprise.
Me carrying around this heavy heart,
Cause yours is made of ice.
Tonight you said those words out loud,
Words I had to put there first,
Cause you feel like a fraud,
Not realizing you did the worst.
Immediately I felt sorry for you,
it must be awful feeling like this,
But not long after I realised the truth,
all those things about you I will miss.
I don’t know what hurts more,
Not being loved by the one,
Or not being able to kiss you anymore,
Can’t believe everything is gone.
Now we are no longer speaking,
And I don’t even act like I’m OK,
I can’t, I constantly hear my voice squeaking,
Will there ever be a better day?
Please tell me things will be less bad,
I can’t bare being without him,
I thought time would make me less sad,
But months later my heart’s still grimm.

Consciously insane

I do not always lay on my bed crying.
Really I don’t.
I do not always smile while dying inside.
Really I don’t.

On good days you will see me strut.
walking confidently through the streets.
Or doing household tasks happily
with a big smile on my face.

It is conscious insanity,
all triggered by your existence.
it is knowingly being crazy,
all triggered by your resistance.

Sweet and sour,
Cold and hot.
Sit and stand.
Winter and summer.

You are all these things wrapped into one.
making me feel on top of the world or totally done.
you make me insane and that is okay,
you make me insane and that is okay.