Category Archives: Heartbreak

Heartbreak

Loveletter

You have been quiet,

as you should.

Cause we discussed,

that we would.

But now the thought of you 

it’s lingering in my head.

What are you doing right now?

Are you just as upset?

I can’t send you a message,

Had to get rid of your number,

and for a while I was okay,

but now, once again, you slumber.

You are so far away,

but always right here,

like a bear hibernating,

unreachable, yet dangerously near.

I suppose this is it,

my loveletter to you.

In all those years, 

Our love is still true.

I want to wish you the best,

I know that the best for me too,

but somehow it never really feels that way,

As my mind is still stuck on you.

I wish my loveletter could contain that wish,

a happy life, a great love, everything,

but somehow I can’t write those words,

I think about it, Fly On Little Wing.

Feels like I am walking through the clouds,

my mind being total all over the place,

Not just sadness, happy things too,

And sometimes a picture of your face.

I should leave you alone,

Riding the wind, just me,

This is simply how my brain works,

And why it will never be free.

I am alright though,

I do not care whatever you take,

Whatever space you need inside of me,

But let me have it, for heavens sake.

Please let me have my loveletter,

a small space just for that purpose,

It is my own little blessing,

and yet my own little curse.

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Heartbreak

Never forget

You needed to erase me

So you did.

I could only stand there

And I watched it all unfold.

The jealous girlfriend, ofcourse.

My life has suddenly changed.

It turned into a cliche

And not because I wanted it to.

You posted an object we bought,

With a text: never forget.

For a second I thought you meant me.

I was vain.

And I was sad,

Cause the words really hurt me.

But then there was the realization

It wasnt even about me.

Which is funny,

And pretty ironic,

As it had got to do with hashtags.

And guess what the object in the picture was.

It was all just a big fck you.

The love for you I have

Tries to tell me you did not mean it

Not that way, anyway.

But as the time goes by,

I can only feel more erased

By your silence.

And your ease.

May be it was even too much to ask

To not be forgotten.

As a lover,

But even as a friend.

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Heartbreak

After the shards

A pizza box on the table,

A cold piece was there.

A stale piece.

No thanks.

I wish I had the guts to say that.

But I had to hear it from you.

I knew it was coming,

But I chose to keep my eyes shut.

Shut until the sands of time forced them open,

With only a silly pizza box.

A dish served cold.

A message served even colder.

It’s been so many years, so many,

And yet I’m still here.

Surrounded by shards of cardboard.

Searching for moving parts.

There should be one there.

One, at least.

Red, soft, pulsing…

Where is it?

Did I really lose it?

And you were just sitting there,

Watching as it happened.

Can it ever be found?

The wind is trying to blow the pieces away,

But I can still see a pizza box.

A boy and a girl, in a garden.

That would never be the same.

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Heartbreak

Endship

A few months ago you were crying on my couch,

I listened, I gave advice, I was there for you,

you and her broke up and you were devastated.

but now you treat me as another one of your headaches.

I do not want anything romantic nor sexual from you.

I just want to have my friend in my life.

But I guess that would be a one way street forever,

as you seem to have met your future wife.

I’m just here being happy for you, 

She seems awesome and you are so in love,

doing all the things you never want to do with me,

so I guess you must be happy.

However, happiness I know is different,

it means people are upbeat and extra friendly,

But you seem to have some kind of tunnel vision,

forgetting about others, our friendship is done.

I feel so stupid for ever believing,

exes could be friends.

Cause people keep telling me, showing me,

that I believe in things that cannot be.

Not wanting to play the tiniest violin,

I decided to speak up to you.

Multiple times, on multiple occasions, I tried,

but you only think I am trying to pick a fight.

Just telling my friend I miss him,

makes him angry and mad.

Because I am forcing him to feel guilty,

and with that you are making me feel filthy.

I know you think you are better than me,

in some ways you probably are,

but at least I tried to speak the words,

and tried to heal before things get worse.

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Heartbreak

Undeserved

You came home, happy to see me.

I looked at you, not happy to be me.

Cause I knew what I had to do,

And I was about to lose you.

 

Even when I spoke the words out loud,

There was still a shadow of a doubt,

You did not deserve this treatment,

of being made redundant.

 

Together with the words, tears started to pour,

As this hurted us both, straight to the core.

You did not respond the way I expected,

You made sure my feelings weren’t neglected.

 

You started to comfort me,

probably not having to deal with yourself, I see.

As tears rolled down your chin,

I felt like washing myself from sin.

 

The relief I felt about tell you,

Was expected, but not fully true.

I felt the pain more than I’d imagined,

and you took it better than I had reckoned.

 

Now it is upto the hands of time,

To see if somewhow you are still mine,

Not just my own, but someone close, 

That is what I’d love the most.

 

I am not in any position to have any say,

I know that I fucked that up that day.

I just hope you will be a happy man,

with or without me holding your hand.

 

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Heartbreak

Not reliable

“Finally”, you sighed,

“everything is back to normal again”,

It had indeed been hectic,

But that is basically my life, my friend.

 

You wanted something to hold on to tightly,

Something to trust,

But I was checking out quietly.

Realizing what was my curse.

 

I can’t be stable, it’s just not me,

When I get stuck,

when I feel stuck,

All I want is to be free.

 

I am not treating you right by wanting this,

I know I am not, I know,

But this big old hole, it’s still in my heart,

cause there’s something I miss.

 

Something that will make me incomplete,

something that should have been there,

Maybe it’s unmendable,

Maybe it makes me obsolete.

 

It is hard to make this so much about my feelings,

Cause it will affect you,

Just like it will affect anyone around me,

And how to handle it, I have no clue.

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Heartbreak

Everything and nothing

You have my all,

and yet we are nothing.

I constantly have you on my mind,

and yet you aren’t here, sweet thing.

 

I should be concerned, cause this is not real,

I should be somewhere else with my mind,

But yet it wonders off, all the time.

To a place that is pretty hard to find.

 

I am just here, all alone,

even when surrounded by people, all of my friends,

people important to me,

But here I am, small, no defense.

 

I keep on crawling back, back into myself,

At the same time not daring to really look at me,

To really feel the things I am supposed to feel,

I am afraid of the things I’ll see.

 

You are my everything, yet I am nothing to you,

I am your one true love, yet I have been lonely.

You have this amazing mind, but at the same time it seems to be blind,

you hold my heart in a chokehold, while also telling it to be free.

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Heartbreak

Cold and empty

You seem distracted,

Somethings definitely off,

I feel a tension arise within me,

the emptiness, the lack of love.

 

I can be pretty sensitive too, you know,

When it has started, it is done,

I noticed you stopped reaching,

and I can’t seem to overcome,

 

You mean way too much to me,
You have my heart in total control,

but on the other side there’s you,

your silence crushes my soul.

 

The warmth I feel for you,

it starts to fade away,

the cold is setting in,

I wish you’d just stay.

 

I haven’t even spoken to you,

but I know something is wrong,

I am counting the seconds until the end,

afraid of that moment you’ll be gone.

 

I am not sure if I can handle this,

this cold is just a little too familiar,

I can’t believe I am at this point again,

how could I’ve let things gone this far?

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Heartbreak

Comfort in scars

When I hear that song,

you know which one.

My mind goes places,

and my heart is gone.

 

Cause it makes me think of your face,

and it cuts deep within,

you beautiful smile,

that was really something.

 

It felt magical to be with you,

but pretty heartwrenching at the same time,

cause I gave you my all,

and yet you could not be mine.

 

And now I only have your music to remember,

The scars on my body will stay for many years,

they comfort me as they remind me of you,

and yet, they have caused me so many tears.

 

In a way they are the greatest comfort there is,

when I made them, but also carrying them all,

they also show the pain you have caused me,

and how it felt to take the fall.

 

They comfort me more than you can these days,

You are distant, though it is written in the stars,

I love you forever, even if it stays unanswered,

I will always find comfort, comfort in my scars.

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Heartbreak, Struggle

Love seduction

We have been hanging out for a few months,

never really trying to be anything,

but yet there is this label thing we need to get through,

cause what if I am not your everything?

 

At first I was fine with just hanging out,

I enjoyed your company, really,

and you’ve enjoyed mine too,

but inside of me grew a feeling of possibility.

 

My mind went on a dangerous path,

the way you would caress my neck,

started to feel like something other,

than me pushing my fingernails into your back.

 

A game began of push and pull,

I was reading your intentions wrong,

while you were constantly thinking for me,

and yet amidst it all, my feelings were growing strong.

 

Now I find myself on the couch,

not able to concentrate one bit,

how can something feel so tragic,

when we seem to be an amazing fit?

 

I wish we could stay in our bubble forever,

waking up together, so relaxed,

watching your eyes watch mine,

when we are around each other, it’s fine.

 

But at some point I have to leave,

and lately I notice myself that I stay,

in this weird loving state,

but you do not want me that way.

 

Days go by and I do not hear a thing,

and then those bad feelings start to kick in,

How can one be so loving and yet so distant?

Dumb girl, this has been this way since the beginning.

 

I just fail to see it somehow,

blinded by the seduction that is called love,

while I know exactly what is what,

yet my heart can’t get enough.

 

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