Cold and empty

You seem distracted,

Somethings definitely off,

I feel a tension arise within me,

the emptiness, the lack of love.

 

I can be pretty sensitive too, you know,

When it has started, it is done,

I noticed you stopped reaching,

and I can’t seem to overcome,

 

You mean way too much to me,
You have my heart in total control,

but on the other side there’s you,

your silence crushes my soul.

 

The warmth I feel for you,

it starts to fade away,

the cold is setting in,

I wish you’d just stay.

 

I haven’t even spoken to you,

but I know something is wrong,

I am counting the seconds until the end,

afraid of that moment you’ll be gone.

 

I am not sure if I can handle this,

this cold is just a little too familiar,

I can’t believe I am at this point again,

how could I’ve let things gone this far?

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Comfort in scars

When I hear that song,

you know which one.

My mind goes places,

and my heart is gone.

 

Cause it makes me think of your face,

and it cuts deep within,

you beautiful smile,

that was really something.

 

It felt magical to be with you,

but pretty heartwrenching at the same time,

cause I gave you my all,

and yet you could not be mine.

 

And now I only have your music to remember,

The scars on my body will stay for many years,

they comfort me as they remind me of you,

and yet, they have caused me so many tears.

 

In a way they are the greatest comfort there is,

when I made them, but also carrying them all,

they also show the pain you have caused me,

and how it felt to take the fall.

 

They comfort me more than you can these days,

You are distant, though it is written in the stars,

I love you forever, even if it stays unanswered,

I will always find comfort, comfort in my scars.

Love seduction

We have been hanging out for a few months,

never really trying to be anything,

but yet there is this label thing we need to get through,

cause what if I am not your everything?

 

At first I was fine with just hanging out,

I enjoyed your company, really,

and you’ve enjoyed mine too,

but inside of me grew a feeling of possibility.

 

My mind went on a dangerous path,

the way you would caress my neck,

started to feel like something other,

than me pushing my fingernails into your back.

 

A game began of push and pull,

I was reading your intentions wrong,

while you were constantly thinking for me,

and yet amidst it all, my feelings were growing strong.

 

Now I find myself on the couch,

not able to concentrate one bit,

how can something feel so tragic,

when we seem to be an amazing fit?

 

I wish we could stay in our bubble forever,

waking up together, so relaxed,

watching your eyes watch mine,

when we are around each other, it’s fine.

 

But at some point I have to leave,

and lately I notice myself that I stay,

in this weird loving state,

but you do not want me that way.

 

Days go by and I do not hear a thing,

and then those bad feelings start to kick in,

How can one be so loving and yet so distant?

Dumb girl, this has been this way since the beginning.

 

I just fail to see it somehow,

blinded by the seduction that is called love,

while I know exactly what is what,

yet my heart can’t get enough.

 

Over the edge

You were supposed to come by in the afternoon,

but I decided to ask you to come in the night,

cause the night is beautiful,

when everything is dark and the stars are bright.

 

You must have wanted to see me too,

As soon as you came in the door,

I felt a peace come over me,

I was so nervous before.

 

There is something comforting in your eyes,

and yet something that makes me sad,

I long for so much more of you,

but I shouldn’t, cause it is bad.

 

We had a few drinks, before we went upstairs,

We laid so close together under the cover,

I felt your breath on my face.

and I was so glad to be your lover.

 

Something about you makes me long for more,

The way our bodies connected,

The way you look at me, holding me,

it is so hard not to be infected.

 

A perfect night turned into a perfect weekend,

You lay on my bed on a lazy Sunday morning,

I made us breakfast, you were playing a game,

and my heart instantly forgot about the warning.

 

Don’t fall for this guy, broken girl, don’t do it.

It was too late, way too late,

Just seeing your body, hearing you talk,

It all makes me feel so great.

 

I ran a hot bath, for us to be extra lazy,

And as soon as we sat down, you closed your eyes,

You were enjoying this as much as I was,

was this love in some awful, wrong disguise?

 

I am over the edge, and it will kill me,

cause you are not ready to feel the same,

and you will break my heart, unintentionally,

and I am the one to blame.

 

I had been warned before,

I knew I was going too far, my heart was blind,

but that perfect weekend together,

will never leave my mind.

Offboarding

You checked out.

Before the plane had even landed.

We did not even fly that high,

But you got scared and wanted to offboard.

Didn’t you know this was against the rules?

There is a reason no one is offered a parachute in an airplane.

You do not just jump out,

when you go down, you go down together.

And when you fly high, you fly high together.

But I guess we never really did, did we?

Coward

All this time I have been alone.
And yet you doubt if you want to break up with me,
because you are afraid you might be lonely.
Like you were before you met me.

I can guarantee you will be,
Just like I was, all those years when I was with you.
Now I am done, and I am happy,
Cause now I am going to do me.

No matter how solo my dinners will be
No matter how many times I will visit the cinema alone,
I will never be lonely ever again,
Cause I have always taken care of people, the way you never could.

And I will always take care of myself, the way you never would.
Like any wonderful woman on this planet, I deserve the best,
So good luck with the rest of your life,
I am sure this turn of events you would have never guessed.

You are always way too busy with your own shit,
You did not even know that you were falling out of love,
But you know, the saddest bit,
is that you don’t realize what you are losing until it’s long gone.

And now you do not say a word.
You drop a bomb, but yet you are unwilling to take care of the victims,
Unwilling, unable perhaps?
Cowardly you await, until I make the final cut.

Bloody Mary

You always thought the cuts weren’t so deep,

But the physical scars are just the top,

There is a whole mountain of pain and suffering beneath,

But here’s where I ask you to stop.

You can’t help me, even if you would try,

Not that you will, but I just don’t want you to feel bad about it.

This is me, this is all I have ever been,

It is a sad story, but you don’t see me cry.

Nothing left of me

You built me up only to take me down

And when I thought I was at an all time low

You made things even worse.

I am left, just feeling like some clown.

Six years and all of a sudden things don’t feel as serious,

They don’t feel like they meant anything at all.

The way you are throwing it all away is so shocking,

And now I am just lonely, taking the fall.

You seem to have moved on ages ago,

But I don’t understand where you went.

I can only sit here and think about

All those I love you’s you never meant.

People always say breaking up is not easy to do,

But you don’t seem to mind.

You are being unfair about it though,

not really speaking things out, but I guess that’s just you.

All this time I was in the dark.

And now I sit here, writing poetry,

While you have moved on, I stood still,

Cause there is nothing left of me.

It’s not that

That fateful day when you broke my heart,
It was in a million pieces.
I tried to pick them up, and put them back again.
But I did not realize I was all alone.

And when I did, shit got hard.
I needed to get used to the loneliness,
as the loneliness I’d have felt before, was nothing like it.
And as low as I was, little did I know shit was only going to get worse.

Cause you did not try.
You did not lift a finger.
You did not dare to say the words,
and that has left my whole being in pieces.

Pieces that will probably never be picked up,
pieces that I will have to miss in my character forever.
Pieces that other people that want to be close to me, will curse me for, or even you.
Pieces that would have been fine, had you not walked away so limpy as you did.

I don’t know how to feel about it anymore.
I feel sorry for you, for being such a coward, incapable of breaking us up yourself.
At the same time you apparently still have feelings too, so I might need to feel sad for you, as you probably wanted a happily ever after too.
But sometimes I can only feel the rage, that is building up inside of me, a rage that does not fit my personality, cause it is simply too big, too deep, and too much all together.
But most of all, it is too true. It is legit, and it should stay inside.

Anger

It started off as a warm spot within my heart.
A soft spot for you,
cause even though I knew you weren’t entirely my type,
I thought I’d found a love that was true.

The warm spot became a flame when you answered,
when we fell in love madly,
We could only see eachother,
Damn, we were so happy,

The flame was not there long enough.
every day it lost a bit of its spark,
until the beautiful light that once was,
was gone and everything turned dark.

We were still together,
but I never felt so alone,
All this time you acted like nothing could be better,
But apparently your love was already gone.

You should have said something earlier,
so we could find the spark again.
You should have done your best,
Cause I was still your woman.

Instead, you decided that keeping me in the dark was safe,
Until it wasn’t.
Your lies sparked a flame so big,
That had you known about it, you would be stunned.

But you don’t know about this huge fire that is inside of me.
A heat that has burnt my heart to nothingness,
Our fire that was a beautiful flame,
has now become an uncontrollable sea of hate, no less.