After the shards

A pizza box on the table,

A cold piece was there.

A stale piece.

No thanks.

I wish I had the guts to say that.

But I had to hear it from you.

I knew it was coming,

But I chose to keep my eyes shut.

Shut until the sands of time forced them open,

With only a silly pizza box.

A dish served cold.

A message served even colder.

It’s been so many years, so many,

And yet I’m still here.

Surrounded by shards of cardboard.

Searching for moving parts.

There should be one there.

One, at least.

Red, soft, pulsing…

Where is it?

Did I really lose it?

And you were just sitting there,

Watching as it happened.

Can it ever be found?

The wind is trying to blow the pieces away,

But I can still see a pizza box.

A boy and a girl, in a garden.

That would never be the same.


Heart stolen

You stole my heart,

it sounds adorable,

but it isn’t.

in fact, it’s quite awful.


You stealing my heart,

meaning it is all yours.

I can no longer have it,

I do not control its course.


You stole it,

and with you being gone,

it is officially missing,

and that is just wrong.


I have nothing to give,

nothing to offer a new you,

cause there’s just a black hole,

and a girl feeling blue.


It took me a long time to see,

that I needed my heart returned.

I am still not sure of it,

but you really got me burned.


I am still thinking about you,

still you take my breath away,

but I need to own my heart again,

to live and love another day.


I can’t

You just sat there, silent.
Made me do all the digging,
painful digging into your thoughts,
And so I had to begin.

You made me into someone I’m not,
this insecure, fragile shadow of a woman,
having to ask questions that lead to this,
You saying that you’re done.

Funny how you didn’t even say it,
You made me say the words,
So you just had to sit there and mumble,
which made this all so much worse.

Cause love, I sat there with an open heart,
ready to give it to you,
And now you pierce right through it,
saying this love can’t be true.

I sat there with so much love to give,
I would have done anything, fuck pride,
just for these words to go away,
And not feel so damn empty inside.


Not a good night

Why I am so stupid, loving a person that does not want my love.
Why am I addicted to pain so much, that I would even take it to the level of sorrow?
The physical pain I know, that is just cutting, letting go,
but the type of pain within the soul, it’s unbearable.

When I think about him, I am not sure if it is the love or the pain that takes my breath away.
Knowing he will never feel the same way about me,
Knowing I will always long for his love, which I am never to receive.
Knowing what I have always known: the real me is not worthy.

How silly of me to fall in love with the guy that does not want to be loved,
a guy that turns my eternal, everlasting love away, the good stuff.
A man so easy to hate, and yet so easy to love.
I can’t help myself but being totally invested in him.

It kills me, slowly, but surely.
The love for him builds me up, only to be taken down again.
I keep waiting for that big romantic gesture
I keep thinking I can be the woman that will change his life forever.

But I won’t be, cause he won’t let me.
I will just be another woman who wanted to save him,
another woman that did not succeed,
and somehow only left him more miserable inside.

it devastates me, it destroys me,
loving him is the hardest thing I did,
and yet I can’t imagine it being different.
I am longing for air, knowing I can’t breathe.