I want out, is what I wanted to say to you
But to even think that, hurts.
I don’t want to be without you,
but I can’t stand not being in control.
I can’t handle it well, how my magic does not work,
I wish you were in as deeply as little old me
so you could see and feel the horror,
the constant thinking about the other.
it’s like I totally lost myself cause you came around,
my heart is just lying there like a lost and found.
you picked it up, not sure if you wanted it,
and now I am stuck with you, kid.
if I could take a pill and forget about you
I probably would
thought the hopeless romantic in me, wouldn’t have understood.
the love I feel for you is amazing in many ways,
but it is tearing me down, fucking me up at the same time.
it’s like two people are pulling on me, one of them wanting me to stop,
yelling at me bout how stupid I am
that you don’t love me, not even close,
and that you probably fuck some other hoes.
and then there is the other person pulling me,
full of love, being angry with me for even thinking about an out.
making me feel butterflies and warmth,
taking my breath away when I look at you.
and I am in the midst not handling things well.
jumping from an ecstatically happy state
into a constant stream of nothingness and depression.
I don’t think you understand what is really here.