Cold and empty

You seem distracted,

Somethings definitely off,

I feel a tension arise within me,

the emptiness, the lack of love.

 

I can be pretty sensitive too, you know,

When it has started, it is done,

I noticed you stopped reaching,

and I can’t seem to overcome,

 

You mean way too much to me,
You have my heart in total control,

but on the other side there’s you,

your silence crushes my soul.

 

The warmth I feel for you,

it starts to fade away,

the cold is setting in,

I wish you’d just stay.

 

I haven’t even spoken to you,

but I know something is wrong,

I am counting the seconds until the end,

afraid of that moment you’ll be gone.

 

I am not sure if I can handle this,

this cold is just a little too familiar,

I can’t believe I am at this point again,

how could I’ve let things gone this far?

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Nothing left of me

You built me up only to take me down

And when I thought I was at an all time low

You made things even worse.

I am left, just feeling like some clown.

Six years and all of a sudden things don’t feel as serious,

They don’t feel like they meant anything at all.

The way you are throwing it all away is so shocking,

And now I am just lonely, taking the fall.

You seem to have moved on ages ago,

But I don’t understand where you went.

I can only sit here and think about

All those I love you’s you never meant.

People always say breaking up is not easy to do,

But you don’t seem to mind.

You are being unfair about it though,

not really speaking things out, but I guess that’s just you.

All this time I was in the dark.

And now I sit here, writing poetry,

While you have moved on, I stood still,

Cause there is nothing left of me.

It’s not that

That fateful day when you broke my heart,
It was in a million pieces.
I tried to pick them up, and put them back again.
But I did not realize I was all alone.

And when I did, shit got hard.
I needed to get used to the loneliness,
as the loneliness I’d have felt before, was nothing like it.
And as low as I was, little did I know shit was only going to get worse.

Cause you did not try.
You did not lift a finger.
You did not dare to say the words,
and that has left my whole being in pieces.

Pieces that will probably never be picked up,
pieces that I will have to miss in my character forever.
Pieces that other people that want to be close to me, will curse me for, or even you.
Pieces that would have been fine, had you not walked away so limpy as you did.

I don’t know how to feel about it anymore.
I feel sorry for you, for being such a coward, incapable of breaking us up yourself.
At the same time you apparently still have feelings too, so I might need to feel sad for you, as you probably wanted a happily ever after too.
But sometimes I can only feel the rage, that is building up inside of me, a rage that does not fit my personality, cause it is simply too big, too deep, and too much all together.
But most of all, it is too true. It is legit, and it should stay inside.

Anger

It started off as a warm spot within my heart.
A soft spot for you,
cause even though I knew you weren’t entirely my type,
I thought I’d found a love that was true.

The warm spot became a flame when you answered,
when we fell in love madly,
We could only see eachother,
Damn, we were so happy,

The flame was not there long enough.
every day it lost a bit of its spark,
until the beautiful light that once was,
was gone and everything turned dark.

We were still together,
but I never felt so alone,
All this time you acted like nothing could be better,
But apparently your love was already gone.

You should have said something earlier,
so we could find the spark again.
You should have done your best,
Cause I was still your woman.

Instead, you decided that keeping me in the dark was safe,
Until it wasn’t.
Your lies sparked a flame so big,
That had you known about it, you would be stunned.

But you don’t know about this huge fire that is inside of me.
A heat that has burnt my heart to nothingness,
Our fire that was a beautiful flame,
has now become an uncontrollable sea of hate, no less.

Grenades forever

My thoughts are like grenades,
I want to throw them at you,
But I’m not sure as sometimes that feeling fades,
And then I never do.

There will be a massive explosion,
one day in the distant future,
I hope that day I will truly be done,
with feeling like a loser.

I offered you my forever
But you did not take it.
It’s not like you said: never,
You just knew we wouldn’t make it.

See what you did there love?
You created your own selffullfilling prophecy
I usually don’t believe in that stuff,
But your bahaviour has a hold on me.

On us, to be more precize,
Cause due to your silly words,
Somehow this relationship doesn’t suffice,
and we ended up so much worse.

How do we put an end to this?
You are just going to wait it out,
While I feed you so much love with every kiss,
that you return with so much doubt.

 

No chance

You are going to bring me down,
Even though you have no idea.
But yet I keep reaching for you,
as if I really want you to hurt me.

It is complicated to deal with this,
as love is madness,
Is this love in the first place,
or chemistry, lust or other craziness?

I know I should not want you,
in any possible way,
but yet I fall into your arms,
hearing you whisper I should stay.

I can’t decide if it’s a game,
or who is actually playing,
Are you thinking about me at all?
There so many things we are not saying

It is hard to look at the future,
when Cupid forces you to,
especially as my brain knows better,
And possibly, so do you.

Drunken Monkey

That night we had a phonecall for four hours straight,
We talked, we laughed, we flirted,
it was a Saturdaynight, and though I was sober,
you definitely weren’t.

If you’d be sober too, I know we would not talk like this,
you would be silent,
you would not dare to say anything much,
are you not comfortable or not interested?

I caught myself looking it up on google,
why does he only reach out to me when he’s drunk?
Are you afraid of me when you are sober,
or are you simply just not that into me?

I don’t know what to do about this shit,
I was supposed to just have you make me feel good,
Good about myself again, after a hurtful relationship,
You weren’t supposed to fix me, just make me feel a woman again.

In some sense you could not have me feel any more like a woman though,
I am sitting here, being in love,
like some kind of crazy teenager.
It is driving me nuts.

I don’t want to be like this,
I don’t want to be rejected,
that was exactly the point,
to get out of that sad and lonely feeling.

I am running from myself,
and I was counting on you.
I need you to keep me sane,
but yet you are the one making me lose it all.

Guitars

We were sitting on your couch
talking like we always would.
But somehow there were more pauses.
As if we knew what was coming, dude.

As we were surrounded by guitars,
I asked you to play me something,
little did I know,
that would make things turn into more than just a fling.

As soon as you grabbed the guitar,
held it in your arms so lovingly man,
your fingers automatically found their way,
and I fell in love with you, right there and then.

I was listening to the beautiful tune you played,
while shamelessly watching your gorgeous face,
For one second I forgot about all my issues,
That hadn’t happened in so many days.

Now I am struggling to the max,
as I need to forget about you.
Sometimes my heart still wanders off,
cause my mind can’t always come through.

This love should be stopped,
as it will make none of us better,
But the feelings are so strong,
my heart, sometimes I just let her.

I fantasize back to that evening,
just sitting there, knowing something was up,
but in my heart I know you don’t feel the same way,
so I do almost everything to make my heart stop.

Away

I love how you take me away
even if it is for just five seconds,
not thinking about anything,
making me feel like everythings okay.

A guy with a single tattoo
placed on his underarm.
I did not expect I would find it
one of the sexiest things I ever saw.

As I was looking at your books,
knives stuck into them,
I realised how dangerous this was,
the knives did not frighten me though, it was me.

I can’t decide if my heart is just too open,
or if you are just so special
that you broke into me,
sweeping me away with your charm.

I feel a deep connection,
but what if it’s not there?
Can love be real,
if it is just one person feeling it?

I have tried so hard not to fall for it,
To just be strong and move on,
but that moment I saw you play some old song I never heard before,
I realised I was in way too deep.

Passion

Sitting here on this couch,
way too big for just me.
Thinking about that night,
and how it all could be.

My thoughts are not with the movie I’m watching,
I can’t keep them from going places they shouldn’t,
Cause being in love is not okay,
You were just a friend.

It is so nice to think about it though,
As you are the person I truly miss,
When I close my eyes my mind goes over,
that special connection, that amazing kiss.

I long for your lips on mine,
But I’m afraid that might not happen again,
I want to run my fingers through your hair,
and playfully bite your lip, man.

Push me up against you,
take my head in your capable hands,
cause these feelings aren’t going away,
as we should be so much more than just friends.