Tag Archives: art

Heartbreak

Not reliable

“Finally”, you sighed,

“everything is back to normal again”,

It had indeed been hectic,

But that is basically my life, my friend.

 

You wanted something to hold on to tightly,

Something to trust,

But I was checking out quietly.

Realizing what was my curse.

 

I can’t be stable, it’s just not me,

When I get stuck,

when I feel stuck,

All I want is to be free.

 

I am not treating you right by wanting this,

I know I am not, I know,

But this big old hole, it’s still in my heart,

cause there’s something I miss.

 

Something that will make me incomplete,

something that should have been there,

Maybe it’s unmendable,

Maybe it makes me obsolete.

 

It is hard to make this so much about my feelings,

Cause it will affect you,

Just like it will affect anyone around me,

And how to handle it, I have no clue.

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Struggle

Little lamb

Big eyes, looking at me,

expecting the world,

blinded by butterflies,

you are done being free.

 

I indulge myself in your love,

Addicted by your attention,

Knowing I’m doing you wrong,

But I can’t get enough.

 

You are like a lamb, so innocent,

cute and sweet,

Yet your way to the slaughterhouse.

I am not your friend.

 

I am taking you to this place of death,

I should be nothing to you,

Yet you keep looking at me, filled with love,

And to me that’s crystal meth.

 

A toxic affair, in love you fell,

You should not have cause I hold your leash,

Cant you tell I walk you to the butcher,

Frustrated with you, the urge to yell.

 

Break free and run through the woods,

Leave while you still can,

I am about to eat you alive,

and I am just damaged goods.

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Struggle

Supposed to be friends

You were just a friend.
Not even mine,
But there was something about you,
That gave me a piece of mind.

You were just a friend,
when our eyes met at her place,
I tried not think too much into it,
But it was written all over my face.

You were just a friend.
When we started texting on a daily basis,
our conversations intensified,
and I wondered what it was.

You were just a friend.
When you asked me out for a drink,
My heart was screaming out yes,
but then, what would my boyfriend think?

You were just a friend.
When you confused me with your awesomeness,
Cause you kept telling me beautiful words,
warm things that felt like a soft caress.

 

You were just a friend.
When I tried to not fall for you,
When I tried so hard not to be that girl,
who in the end did not come through.

You were just a friend.
When our lips met at the train station,
When I just decided we had to stay friends,
Your lips made me feel like vacation.

You were just a friend.
When you dared to kiss me again,
And when I kissed you back passionately,
I realized you could not be my friend.

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Struggle

Cuteness

It is easy to be cute,

when you are always bad.

Just say one sweet thing,

and I am no longer mad.

 

You do drive me mad though,

I do not know how to handle you.

And you do not know what to do with me,

we both don’t seem to have a clue.

 

You can be sweet like sugar,

warm like the sun,

and then bang, cold as ice,

I should’ve been long gone.

 

Yet I am still here,

thinking about that handsome face,

feeling so happy to be in your arms,

wishing we could do this for days.

 

You are an amazing man,

but your insecurity torments me,

you are so unsure about everything,

yet somehow you do not set me free.

 

It feels so perfect when you are here,

when it is just us against the rest,

I know you feel the same way,

it’s just too bad time goes by so fast.

 

You make me forget what time it is,

you make me feel like loving a man,

a man that might not love me back,

but that I somehow understand.

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Struggle

A taste of what you missed

We were too close and I knew it,
You are a danger to anything I have built up,

But yet I let you go through with it,

And now everything else is just fucked up.

You said you just wanted a taste,

a taste of what you have missed,

But in your lust, and in your haste,

you forgot what I said before we kissed.

 

I said if we do it now it will be forever,

but you did not care about it,

we will not get back together, never,

and now even our friendship went to shit.

 

It is all so strange cause I love you so,

I care so much about someone,

that is ready to use me like this though,

and now what, are we done?

 

 

I can’t lie, our lips locking in

It felt like a million bucks,

But in reality it was just a bucket full of sin,

and then you not giving any fucks.

 

Your hands on me, it felt so divine,

and yet it was such devilish deceit,

At that moment it all felt fine,

not knowing to you I was just a piece of meat.

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Heartbreak, Struggle

Love seduction

We have been hanging out for a few months,

never really trying to be anything,

but yet there is this label thing we need to get through,

cause what if I am not your everything?

 

At first I was fine with just hanging out,

I enjoyed your company, really,

and you’ve enjoyed mine too,

but inside of me grew a feeling of possibility.

 

My mind went on a dangerous path,

the way you would caress my neck,

started to feel like something other,

than me pushing my fingernails into your back.

 

A game began of push and pull,

I was reading your intentions wrong,

while you were constantly thinking for me,

and yet amidst it all, my feelings were growing strong.

 

Now I find myself on the couch,

not able to concentrate one bit,

how can something feel so tragic,

when we seem to be an amazing fit?

 

I wish we could stay in our bubble forever,

waking up together, so relaxed,

watching your eyes watch mine,

when we are around each other, it’s fine.

 

But at some point I have to leave,

and lately I notice myself that I stay,

in this weird loving state,

but you do not want me that way.

 

Days go by and I do not hear a thing,

and then those bad feelings start to kick in,

How can one be so loving and yet so distant?

Dumb girl, this has been this way since the beginning.

 

I just fail to see it somehow,

blinded by the seduction that is called love,

while I know exactly what is what,

yet my heart can’t get enough.

 

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Heartbreak

Over the edge

You were supposed to come by in the afternoon,

but I decided to ask you to come in the night,

cause the night is beautiful,

when everything is dark and the stars are bright.

 

You must have wanted to see me too,

As soon as you came in the door,

I felt a peace come over me,

I was so nervous before.

 

There is something comforting in your eyes,

and yet something that makes me sad,

I long for so much more of you,

but I shouldn’t, cause it is bad.

 

We had a few drinks, before we went upstairs,

We laid so close together under the cover,

I felt your breath on my face.

and I was so glad to be your lover.

 

Something about you makes me long for more,

The way our bodies connected,

The way you look at me, holding me,

it is so hard not to be infected.

 

A perfect night turned into a perfect weekend,

You lay on my bed on a lazy Sunday morning,

I made us breakfast, you were playing a game,

and my heart instantly forgot about the warning.

 

Don’t fall for this guy, broken girl, don’t do it.

It was too late, way too late,

Just seeing your body, hearing you talk,

It all makes me feel so great.

 

I ran a hot bath, for us to be extra lazy,

And as soon as we sat down, you closed your eyes,

You were enjoying this as much as I was,

was this love in some awful, wrong disguise?

 

I am over the edge, and it will kill me,

cause you are not ready to feel the same,

and you will break my heart, unintentionally,

and I am the one to blame.

 

I had been warned before,

I knew I was going too far, my heart was blind,

but that perfect weekend together,

will never leave my mind.

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Happiness

Dead butterflies

I feel them flapping their wings,

I sense their urge to fly and flutter,

Everytime I look into your eyes,

It is like my heart starts to stutter.

 

I cannot let it go this far,

Cause I know what you will say.

I am not ready to hear those words from you,

Not tomorrow, not today.

 

You will say the words I have heard,

a thousand times before.

And you will break the leftovers in my heart,

till there is no way of breaking them anymore.

 

Are there still butterflies in the world?

I keep on catching dead ones.

 

Are you not okay to just pick me,

Or is your heart not in it, though your mind is?

Is this dating in this day and age,

cause it makes it hard to feel bliss.

 

I want you so bad,

but it’s best giving you the cold shoulder, I guess,

You might even come around then,

when did love become such a mess?

 

Are there still butterflies in the world?

I keep on catching dead ones.

 

I am surprised I still feel them,

inside of me, waiting to spread their wings and fly,

even though I keep bumping into caterpillars,

they are just not ready to die.

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Struggle

They don’t understand

You are in my head,

like a Disney-song, stuck.

I tried so hard to get you out,

but I guess it wasn’t my luck.

 

They don’t understand my sorrow,

they have not lived it,

they don’t know the pain it causes,

how my soul is forever encrypted.

 

I still try to wrap my brain around it,

Even my friends do not understand.

but they look at me, trying to help,

it’s nice but it doesn’t work, dear friend.

 

They don’t understand my sorrow,

they have not felt the pain inside,

no insecurity about making the choice,

no salty tears like the ones I cried.

 

I look at you, knowing I should not,

It is as if looking at an open heart surgery,

You don’t want to look but it’s so fascinating,

loving you while knowing it will never be.

 

They don’t understand my sorrow,

they have not gone through it all,

no tears, no stress, no sleepless nights,

no feeling high before the fall.

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Struggle

Healing

Again, this is my older stuff, I was 17 years old when I wrote it, and for once it is not about boyfriends/girlfriends:
Thinking about it all day
Shall I tell them, would they care?
It doesn’t matter what I say,
Cause they’ll never be fair.

It always is a 2 tot 1 situation,
I´m always alone.
Now I’m facing it.
Is this my home?

I can speak my mind,
I can’t be who I am.
My aprents are just staring blind,
They think they know who I am.

Well, now I took the step.
I told them about my plan.
But they did not want to listen,
They think I don’t need a healing man.

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