So close now

It started off as this thing,

we did just for fun,

but what I did not know then

is how things had only just begun.

 

You said there were no butterflies,
and I wasn’t sure if I should care,
my heart has been broken into a million pieces,

and then you were there.

 

Our start might have been a bit rocky,

though we were always good,

there were so many question marks,

until we both understood.

 

Two people that want to be together,

should just follow their hearts,

even if there is just mutual adoration,

and not some true love in the cards.

 

Now we have been together for a few months,

and we are growing closer, it shows,

even people around us notice our relationship,

as we stand together through highs and lows.

 

This will not be forever,

And you will find bigger love for certain,

until that time I will be here,

enjoying every moment, til destiny closes the curtain.

 

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Just like before

We cuddled when we met again,

it has been what, six years?

but now we are just friends,

nothing complicated, no lovers, no fears.

 

As we were standing there,

at the concert hall, way too close together,

I noticed how I did care,

how all of this actually did matter.

 

Sometimes you would look at me,

fascinated by how I was singing along,

I felt so happy and so free,

but I also knew, this was not about the song.

 

This was about us, what we have been,

And better yet, what we are now,

but what I could not have foreseen,

was that is was about our future somehow.

 

We were standing so close to one another,

You pressed your body against mine,

But weird enough I did not really bother,

cause it actually felt fine.

 

It felt like it was meant to be,

even when it was a fucked up thing,

You know you are special to me,

I warned you about me not being a fling.

 

And yet there it was, I am not sure how,

but our lips found each other naturally,

and I feel so confused right now.

Has this happened, really?

 

Who would know after all these years,

of grief and new opportunities, of love and loss,

Me getting over my fears, you crying your tears,

how our paths would somehow cross.

 

It is hard not to see it as destiny,

it is also hard to not to give in to this lust,

how do you, after all these years, still get to me,

after our relationship turned to dust.

 

All I know is you hold a special place in my heart,

and this might just be something solely about passion,

cause deep inside we are both scarred,

and outside we are deeply longing for attention.

A taste of what you missed

We were too close and I knew it,
You are a danger to anything I have built up,

But yet I let you go through with it,

And now everything else is just fucked up.

You said you just wanted a taste,

a taste of what you have missed,

But in your lust, and in your haste,

you forgot what I said before we kissed.

 

I said if we do it now it will be forever,

but you did not care about it,

we will not get back together, never,

and now even our friendship went to shit.

 

It is all so strange cause I love you so,

I care so much about someone,

that is ready to use me like this though,

and now what, are we done?

 

 

I can’t lie, our lips locking in

It felt like a million bucks,

But in reality it was just a bucket full of sin,

and then you not giving any fucks.

 

Your hands on me, it felt so divine,

and yet it was such devilish deceit,

At that moment it all felt fine,

not knowing to you I was just a piece of meat.

I need a brake

No butterflies, you said last week,

you looked at me, killing me,

I guess that is dating in 2017,

everybody just wants to be free.

 

Do you really want to be free as well?

I do not, I want you,

I feel for you, hard, wanting you,

and sometimes it seems you want that too.

 

Especially when we go out with friends,

and you put your arms around me,

you play with my long hair,

and I am as happy as can be.

 

You seem to be sweeter to me lately,

calling me your girlfriend, meany.

even when your friends are around,

you truly are a mystery.

 

The odd thing is I cannot stop,

I can’t seem to tell my heart,

not to get in so deep.

but this was hellbent from the start.

 

It is hard to let you go,

especially now that you act so cute,

please do not play with my fragile heart,

cause this change of plans it can’t compute.

Silenced

I can smell your fear from miles away,

I always thought I’d be immune,

But lately it seems to have evolved,

we are simply not in tune.

 

I used to be able to let it go,

but I now I don’t see how.

Your fear has silenced even me,

what to do with my strong feelings now?

 

I want to be the wonderful person,

I know I am when I’m head over heels,

but there’s is something holding me back,

even though I definitely feel all the feels.

 

I feel bad for not being who I truly am,

A warm, caring, gentle and loving human being,

but I can’t cause I need to protect myself too,

though I want to with every fiber in my being.

 

Sometimes I just want to scream out to you,

frustrated cause you do not seem to care,

disappointed cause you let fear rule you,

and stand in the way of this love, how unfair.

Illusion of you

Another oldie:

I picture you in front of me,
I do that all the time.
I think about your soft lips,
And the fact that you are mine.

Then I shock myself,
I make myself feel miserable.
I realise you’re not mine.
And my illusion of you gets invisible.

Trying so hard just to get it back,
Just your face, your sweet eyes,
But it won’t work,
Cause they’re all just lies.

Lies of you, lies of me,
Stupid things that stand in between,
I gotta focus on the lovely you,
Cause that is all you have to be.