I thought I was talking to your sister,
when I told her in a chatroom that I was struggling,
but yet, it was you,
making me block this amazing friend out of my life.
I thought I was going out,
when I was cycling to my favorite pub
But there it was, your car, following me,
And my friend felt unsafe.
And there were were, arrived at the pub,
A bit taken aback by what just happened,
When the alcohol started to work,
You suddenly popped up.
May be it were the drugs in your brain,
a dangerous cocktail to go with a bad mental state,
But as you stood there, I hardly recognized you,
And I had just seen you a week before.
You haunted me like this for a long time,
Constantly calling, I couldn’t even use my phone,
And bothering my parents,
when phoning in the middle of the night at my home.
Just chasing me around, ruining friendships,
it was not quite enough for you.
If you couldn’t have me, no one could,
is what you must have thought when driving up to my home that night
As you parked your car I had to chase my date away,
A boy who had nothing to do with you, with this situation,
I let him leave though the garden,
cause I was afraid of what you might do.
Cause it wasn’t just you bothering me,
you certainly knew how to drag everyone down,
and you did not keep things friendly,
when you said you would end my life.
Your behavior has stayed with me,
Even when I moved away to a different city,
When I started my new life,
The trauma of you stuck by me.
That is no living, no freedom,
it is something future boyfriends had to deal with,
Even close friends have had to cope with this part of me,
as I find it hard to trust.
I should not be scared when an anonymous phone number pops up on my screen,
I should not feel bad about people lovingly trying to surprise me,
I should not have to feel afraid for someone to know my last name,
but after all those years you still haunt me.
It seems to get worse when I talk about it more,
Will it ever go away?
Sometimes I wonder if this is what you intended,
tainting my life, haunting my mind, forever.