Struggle, Therapy


That bug in my head.

It suddenly bites me,

And just like that nothing

seems real anymore.


It hurts my heart

cause my mind plays tricks

Downgrading my relationships

making me feel so insecure.


Everything is forever ending

A realization that often comes,

when infected by that insect,

crawling through my throughts.


I know that knowing that it happens

might be part of the solution

but right this second

it only adds to the confusion.


Consciously incompetent,

is what a therapist would say

Sounds so easy,

but feels so heavy.


I am not sure I know how to get out of it

Out of these thoughts,

Out of this hurt,

without needing others.


Always searching for that confirmation,

just a few words on a phone,

That sparkle of attention,

without it, it’s just me, alone.


I get this way so much more often now,

I guess I am working towards something big,

So afraid to lose a friend in the process.

So afraid to lose myself in the process.



How long?

Will it be days, months?
Your love will not complete me,
we will never make it,
as it will destroy and defeat me.

Will you ever say them,
those three little words,
will you ever set yourself aside,
and put me first?

I want you so much,
my heart aches,
yet you don’t feel that way,
my heart breaks,

does it matter what I say?
can I mean something to you?
or am I just convenient for now,
will you ever follow through.

It’s like the love I feel;
is devouring me from within,
it’s like the love you lack,
is an addictive thing.