That bug in my head.
It suddenly bites me,
And just like that nothing
seems real anymore.
It hurts my heart
cause my mind plays tricks
Downgrading my relationships
making me feel so insecure.
Everything is forever ending
A realization that often comes,
when infected by that insect,
crawling through my throughts.
I know that knowing that it happens
might be part of the solution
but right this second
it only adds to the confusion.
Consciously incompetent,
is what a therapist would say
Sounds so easy,
but feels so heavy.
I am not sure I know how to get out of it
Out of these thoughts,
Out of this hurt,
without needing others.
Always searching for that confirmation,
just a few words on a phone,
That sparkle of attention,
without it, it’s just me, alone.
I get this way so much more often now,
I guess I am working towards something big,
So afraid to lose a friend in the process.
So afraid to lose myself in the process.