Heartbreak

Never forget

You needed to erase me

So you did.

I could only stand there

And I watched it all unfold.

The jealous girlfriend, ofcourse.

My life has suddenly changed.

It turned into a cliche

And not because I wanted it to.

You posted an object we bought,

With a text: never forget.

For a second I thought you meant me.

I was vain.

And I was sad,

Cause the words really hurt me.

But then there was the realization

It wasnt even about me.

Which is funny,

And pretty ironic,

As it had got to do with hashtags.

And guess what the object in the picture was.

It was all just a big fck you.

The love for you I have

Tries to tell me you did not mean it

Not that way, anyway.

But as the time goes by,

I can only feel more erased

By your silence.

And your ease.

May be it was even too much to ask

To not be forgotten.

As a lover,

But even as a friend.

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Happiness

The door

Staring into your eyes in the hallway

The time keeps ticking

but I don’t even notice

Cause there is no thinking

There is no thinking when we stare

Just affection, and a whole lot of attraction

I push my lips onto yours,

My hand under your shirt, ready for action

Yet there is this door behind you

It’s waiting on either of our hands

To reach for the doorknob and open it

Instead of undoing eachothers pants

The door is right behind us in this hallway

but secretly it is in between us two

soon it will divide us

and I’ll have to go back to missing you

It got me wondering what is wrong

as I miss you after just a second

Is it that unfillable void on the inside

or is it just our extraordinary bond?

You, you are in my head, heart and mind

There is this feeling I simply need

Don’t want to miss out on you and my full self

Cause when you are around, I feel complete

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Therapy

Not my own

Help.

Help me.

I’m trapped inside a mind.

A mind that is not my own.

I’m trapped inside the mind of a lunatic.

Got me feeling all frantic.

Not acting like I should.

Not doing the best I could.

Help me.

For I’m trapped inside a mind.

A mind that is not my own.

I am stuck in these thoughts, they’re tainted.

They are not like the perfect picture I had painted.

Emotions got me feeling a type of way,

running wild, now I don’t know what to say.

Save me.

For I’m trapped inside a mind.

A mind that is not my own.

I don’t dear to speak out loud,

Too afraid of what comes out.

Could these feelings be the real me?

Or are they just that distorted part of me?

Save me.

Cause I’m trapped inside my mind.

A mind that is fully my own.

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Struggle

Killer thoughts



The lights are off,
I am alone,
In my room, it’s dark.
Just like my thoughts.

These are things I think whenever you are not here.
Maybe because you are not here.
Things that make my heart stop,
Nearly at least, as I am still here.

My eyes can’t stop tearing up,
Selftorture that no one gets to see
As I sit here, alone.
With my thoughts, dark.

Hurting yourself with a knife
Might be something odd,
But nearly killing yourself by simply thinking,
That really is something else.

It’s great to have this though,
A little safe space,
Just to have thoughts,
That no one gets to see.

No matter where you are,
No matter if you are with me.


(2004)

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Struggle

Faith?

Well, I guess it would be nice
If you would stop popping up
You don’t even know,
But you’re still in my head, just stop.

 

I know not everybody has got a body like you,
One that will push itself against someone else,
A person saying no, crying.
While you knew exactly how she felt.

 

But I gotta think twice,
Cause I can’t seem to get over this,
And the way you handled it,
And the things about you I still miss.

 

I know all the games you play,
Cause now I gotta play them too.
I must become someone else,
To free my brain from those parts of you.

 

I need some time off from that emotion,
Just so I can actually feel again,
Start being real again,
Start having healthy relationships with men.

 

Time to pick my heart up off the floor,
To take back what is mine,
Which has been yours for too long,
To honestly say I’m fine.

 

I gotta have faith,
That I can do it all by myself,
I might need some help from others,
But not you, that’d be bad for my health.

 

I gotta have faith,
Cause my river has become an ocean,
Not made for crushing you,
But for crushing what happened then.

 

I gotta have faith,
That I can free myself from the memory,
Reprogram my brain with some help,
And make for a much better story.

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Heartbreak

Everything and nothing

You have my all,

and yet we are nothing.

I constantly have you on my mind,

and yet you aren’t here, sweet thing.

 

I should be concerned, cause this is not real,

I should be somewhere else with my mind,

But yet it wonders off, all the time.

To a place that is pretty hard to find.

 

I am just here, all alone,

even when surrounded by people, all of my friends,

people important to me,

But here I am, small, no defense.

 

I keep on crawling back, back into myself,

At the same time not daring to really look at me,

To really feel the things I am supposed to feel,

I am afraid of the things I’ll see.

 

You are my everything, yet I am nothing to you,

I am your one true love, yet I have been lonely.

You have this amazing mind, but at the same time it seems to be blind,

you hold my heart in a chokehold, while also telling it to be free.

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Struggle

Sunny side

It seems so attractive to you,
Freedom, living life to the fullest,
Not caged in a perfect family picture,
Sounds good but let’s be honest.

You look into my life
from the sunny side.
So you don’t see the shadows,
the many lonely nights.

Do you realize handsome,
how you come home to your wife,
I come home to nothing at all,
An empty house, but a full life.

You look into my life,
from the sunny side.
You don’t see the dark stuff,
that never sees the light.

I know you want a piece of it.
Not sure if this is about me,
or perhaps just that sense of freedom,
this other person you want to be.

You look into my life,
from the sunny side.
You only see my smiles,
But not the tears I cried last night.

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Sexy stuff, Struggle

You are not alone

The moon shines proudly in the dark night,
I look at my phone, a text from that man.
Soon he will set aside his pride,
For my attention he does all he can.

I have the power to make him crawl,
But I will not do it, I refuse.
Cause I try to actually have a soul.
creating a world where I’m not his muse.

He might sit there on the couch,
comfortably enjoying my company,
sending me pictures of his south,
But something’s wrong in this pic, see?

Just a few metres away she is asleep,
carrying his second child,
Not knowing about my existence,
or the fact that often I am on his mind.

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Struggle

Who you are

Oh I had my eye on you,
right from the start.
My head kept me away from you,
because it knew what was going on my heart.

Right there and then,
I like you for who you are,
My lover, my friend, my man.

You don’t make things easy though,
Cause your fear of commitment,
almost made me let you go,
and still it’s hard to pretend.

But still now that we are together,
I know you for who you are,
Through sunshine and stormy weather.

You can’t love me for who I am,
You wonder if you can ever love anyone,
Still I am more than just a friend,
And we are not yet done.

One day you will say goodbye,
But I love you the way you are,
Not just now, but then and till the day I die.

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