Struggle

Faith?

Well, I guess it would be nice
If you would stop popping up
You don’t even know,
But you’re still in my head, just stop.

 

I know not everybody has got a body like you,
One that will push itself against someone else,
A person saying no, crying.
While you knew exactly how she felt.

 

But I gotta think twice,
Cause I can’t seem to get over this,
And the way you handled it,
And the things about you I still miss.

 

I know all the games you play,
Cause now I gotta play them too.
I must become someone else,
To free my brain from those parts of you.

 

I need some time off from that emotion,
Just so I can actually feel again,
Start being real again,
Start having healthy relationships with men.

 

Time to pick my heart up off the floor,
To take back what is mine,
Which has been yours for too long,
To honestly say I’m fine.

 

I gotta have faith,
That I can do it all by myself,
I might need some help from others,
But not you, that’d be bad for my health.

 

I gotta have faith,
Cause my river has become an ocean,
Not made for crushing you,
But for crushing what happened then.

 

I gotta have faith,
That I can free myself from the memory,
Reprogram my brain with some help,
And make for a much better story.

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Heartbreak

Everything and nothing

You have my all,

and yet we are nothing.

I constantly have you on my mind,

and yet you aren’t here, sweet thing.

 

I should be concerned, cause this is not real,

I should be somewhere else with my mind,

But yet it wonders off, all the time.

To a place that is pretty hard to find.

 

I am just here, all alone,

even when surrounded by people, all of my friends,

people important to me,

But here I am, small, no defense.

 

I keep on crawling back, back into myself,

At the same time not daring to really look at me,

To really feel the things I am supposed to feel,

I am afraid of the things I’ll see.

 

You are my everything, yet I am nothing to you,

I am your one true love, yet I have been lonely.

You have this amazing mind, but at the same time it seems to be blind,

you hold my heart in a chokehold, while also telling it to be free.

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Struggle

Sunny side

It seems so attractive to you,
Freedom, living life to the fullest,
Not caged in a perfect family picture,
Sounds good but let’s be honest.

You look into my life
from the sunny side.
So you don’t see the shadows,
the many lonely nights.

Do you realize handsome,
how you come home to your wife,
I come home to nothing at all,
An empty house, but a full life.

You look into my life,
from the sunny side.
You don’t see the dark stuff,
that never sees the light.

I know you want a piece of it.
Not sure if this is about me,
or perhaps just that sense of freedom,
this other person you want to be.

You look into my life,
from the sunny side.
You only see my smiles,
But not the tears I cried last night.

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Sexy stuff, Struggle

You are not alone

The moon shines proudly in the dark night,
I look at my phone, a text from that man.
Soon he will set aside his pride,
For my attention he does all he can.

I have the power to make him crawl,
But I will not do it, I refuse.
Cause I try to actually have a soul.
creating a world where I’m not his muse.

He might sit there on the couch,
comfortably enjoying my company,
sending me pictures of his south,
But something’s wrong in this pic, see?

Just a few metres away she is asleep,
carrying his second child,
Not knowing about my existence,
or the fact that often I am on his mind.

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Struggle

Who you are

Oh I had my eye on you,
right from the start.
My head kept me away from you,
because it knew what was going on my heart.

Right there and then,
I like you for who you are,
My lover, my friend, my man.

You don’t make things easy though,
Cause your fear of commitment,
almost made me let you go,
and still it’s hard to pretend.

But still now that we are together,
I know you for who you are,
Through sunshine and stormy weather.

You can’t love me for who I am,
You wonder if you can ever love anyone,
Still I am more than just a friend,
And we are not yet done.

One day you will say goodbye,
But I love you the way you are,
Not just now, but then and till the day I die.

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Heartbreak

Obey

I thought it would change,
through time, through distance,
First it seemed you could change,
your feelings about me.

Now I learn that it’s not the case,
And the other way around things aren’t changing either.
No matter where you are,
I love you from afar.

I need to obey,
Not for anyone,
but for us.

When we text I feel like,
writing in all caps how much I love you,
How much you are on my mind,
the part you play in my life.

However, it is not a part
you want to play,
Though we both know it is
not a matter of choice.

I need to obey,
Not for me,
but for you.

You want me close,
but not too close.
You want to see me badly,
but not too often.

A constant push and pull with you,
Everytime I think yes, you say no,
And when I finally let go,
You lure me back in right away.

I am not sure how much longer
I can put up with it.
But on the other hand,
I know I have no choice.

I need to obey,
Not for you,
but for me.

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