Killer thoughts

The lights are off,
I am alone,
In my room, it’s dark.
Just like my thoughts.

These are things I think whenever you are not here.
Maybe because you are not here.
Things that make my heart stop,
Nearly at least, as I am still here.

My eyes can’t stop tearing up,
Selftorture that no one gets to see
As I sit here, alone.
With my thoughts, dark.

Hurting yourself with a knife
Might be something odd,
But nearly killing yourself by simply thinking,
That really is something else.

It’s great to have this though,
A little safe space,
Just to have thoughts,
That no one gets to see.

No matter where you are,
No matter if you are with me.



The one I don’t want to love

You can’t possibly feel the same way about me,
You know it, I know it,
You have told me a couple of times,
but the underlying reasons differ.

You can’t possibly feel the same way about me,
If you do not know how to love.
If you do not know how to receive love,
How could you ever believe in love?

How unfair must this cupid be,
For shooting his arrow towards me,
hitting, but then missing his next target.
How can love be so unkind?

I have so much to offer,
but yet it will all be wasted,
Every bit of love is tainted,
with the knowledge that you don’t love me back.

why can’t you just love me back,
even if it is just for a minute?
I have loved you for all these months,
Even though you forbid it.

Another salty tear runs down my cheek,
Feeling like such a loser,
Knowing you will never be able to give,
the greatest gift of all.
I would have expected this to make you sad too,
Not for me, but sad for you.

If you aren’t able to love the girl, that will love you the most,
What will the rest of your life be?
The healthy thing for me now is to leave.
To close this chapter, just like I close the door on you, every time you leave,

This time without whispering I love you,
but rather work hard to get you out of my head.
But I am so afraid of that moment,
That loneliness,
knowing that you are still somewhere in the world,
somewhere without me.

I am so afraid knowing that my one true love,
Is actually fake, fake from the get-go.
And I am feeling so stupid for knowing,
knowing all these years that this was going to happen.

I will love you, forever.
Even though it is fucking dumb.