Struggle

Walls up

You can talk to me,

You told her.

As a while from now no one will ask you

How you are doing.

My heart broke as I heard you speak

The girl that never wants to hear the question

So hey, how have you been?

The girl that even avoids the question at all times.

Later you told me you are so happy

That that guy that has not treated you well

Is so invested in your well-being

Asking you how you are doing, and really care about it too.

Dear friend,

I cry on the inside when you speak the words

Cause that same day I had this awful feeling all day

And I got the courage to finally ask you, hey how are you doing, knowing you would hate it.

And all I got was exactly what I expected.

Just a wall, a facade, saying haha I’m fine, you crazy

I can’t be there for my friend.

Not because I don’t want to

But because she won’t let me.

It’s up to her of course,

If she feels better confiding in Mr random,

Go ahead.

All I ask is don’t lie to me.

You know exactly what you are doing.

You can’t fool me

You are only fooling yourself.

And hurting me in the process.

For loving you and being by your side.

It’s not fair, and yet I can’t do anything about it.

Guess I’m just for fun.

Kinda like you were to that guy before

You now appreciate so much.

It’s all so contradictory

And it got me feeling handicapped, stupid, sad.

Telling myself this is just a phase,

Being debris in your devastating ways.

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Struggle

Killer thoughts



The lights are off,
I am alone,
In my room, it’s dark.
Just like my thoughts.

These are things I think whenever you are not here.
Maybe because you are not here.
Things that make my heart stop,
Nearly at least, as I am still here.

My eyes can’t stop tearing up,
Selftorture that no one gets to see
As I sit here, alone.
With my thoughts, dark.

Hurting yourself with a knife
Might be something odd,
But nearly killing yourself by simply thinking,
That really is something else.

It’s great to have this though,
A little safe space,
Just to have thoughts,
That no one gets to see.

No matter where you are,
No matter if you are with me.


(2004)

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