The whispers

No matter how official things get,
there will always be the whispers.
Those little things we do not say,
Sometimes thats bad, sometimes okay.

When you leave me in the morning,
And I close the door behind you.
Softly I would whisper:
Silly dude, I love you.

No matter how serious we are,
there will always be the whispers.
Things we do not speak about,
Things we don’t dare to say out loud.

Anytime I send you a little heart,
It is not just because I want attention.
It’s because I got your back.
Even after the friendzone.

No matter how long we’ll be together,
There will always be the whispers.
Stuff I tell my friends about you,
how I tell them this love feels so true.

Someone else

When our eyes meet,
it’s always fireworks.
We know it’s on,
a perfect attraction.

I wish I had this,
with someone else.

When you put your arms
around my waist,
Automatically I lean in,
For a kiss that makes me want to sin.

I wish I had this,
with someone else.

When we are done,
We lay down together,
I realise how much I care.
Oxitocine everywhere.

I wish I had this,
with someone else.

We can talk for hours,
you showing interest in me,
Me listening to what you did,
It’s lovely, we are so connected.

I wish I had this,
with someone else.

There is always this moment,
When I realise, looking at you,
that I am more invested in this,
while for you it’s just a kiss.

I wish I had this,
with someone else.

You will never truly love me,
even though so much love is shared.
What we have is nearly perfect,
but at the same time it’s bad.

I wish I had this,
with someone else.

I wish I had this,
with someone else, handsome
but somehow I can only love you.
Even knowing this can’t be true.

Home

This thing between us,
It did not start in a standard way.
It was crazy and weird,
But it felt kinda okay.

For many reasons
we did not make it then.
We were in different places,
You were just a friend.

Things are all so different now,
Between us I mean.
But the people around me,
Do not seem too keen.

They find it hard to trust you,
Or even me, being under your spell,
They are afraid you are just hurting me,
That your love is putting me through hell.

To me it does not feel that way at all,
Not that it has been a walk in the park,
But I know how I feel,
And this is more than just a spark.

I know you are not perfect for me,
We might not even fit together,
But I feel so much when I look at you.
My worries away, I feel so much better.

No one will ever be able to understand,
You are not just some syndrome,
Yes, you have me on shaky ground,
But at the same time you feel like home.

The one I don’t want to love

You can’t possibly feel the same way about me,
You know it, I know it,
You have told me a couple of times,
but the underlying reasons differ.

You can’t possibly feel the same way about me,
If you do not know how to love.
If you do not know how to receive love,
How could you ever believe in love?

How unfair must this cupid be,
For shooting his arrow towards me,
hitting, but then missing his next target.
How can love be so unkind?

I have so much to offer,
but yet it will all be wasted,
Every bit of love is tainted,
with the knowledge that you don’t love me back.

why can’t you just love me back,
even if it is just for a minute?
I have loved you for all these months,
Even though you forbid it.

Another salty tear runs down my cheek,
Feeling like such a loser,
Knowing you will never be able to give,
the greatest gift of all.
I would have expected this to make you sad too,
Not for me, but sad for you.

If you aren’t able to love the girl, that will love you the most,
What will the rest of your life be?
The healthy thing for me now is to leave.
To close this chapter, just like I close the door on you, every time you leave,

This time without whispering I love you,
but rather work hard to get you out of my head.
But I am so afraid of that moment,
That loneliness,
knowing that you are still somewhere in the world,
somewhere without me.

I am so afraid knowing that my one true love,
Is actually fake, fake from the get-go.
And I am feeling so stupid for knowing,
knowing all these years that this was going to happen.

I will love you, forever.
Even though it is fucking dumb.

I’ll be okay

You stare at me with your big eyes,
I can see the pain and frustration.
I know you are trying to understand,
But stop seeing me as your patient.

Everytime you see the scars,
I see you watching the marks,
I feel you overthinking,
Hoping I’ll show you my cards.

You never seem to realise,
I am not able to share this with you,
Not because I do not want to,
But because there is nothing you can do.

Everytime we do this,
I will tell you I’ll be okay,
But I am starting to wonder,
Do I say it for you or for me?

At first I believed myself,
I thought this was just a phase.
I really had this scenario in mind,
That I could leave this behind.

These last few weeks have been different,
I notice myself saying I’ll be fine,
Not trying to comfort the people I love,
But just trying to convince this heart of mine.

While the truth of the matter is,
I am not sure if I will be okay.
So scared for the future,
I am nervous for a new day.

Deserving

It’s easy but not true to say
you don’t deserve my love,
You do, you are amazing,
you are kind and sweet.

It’s not easy but true to say
I cannot receive your love.
I am just not it for you,
you are not able to love me.

Or so you say,
Cause I hear you and
I will say that I understand,
deep down I refuse to believe it.

I can’t imagine Cupid shooting
so badly, he’s been doing it for years.
I want to think that it is just you,
not being able to get rid of your fears.

Silly, I know, I am a girl
looking for love in the wrong places,
Ending up with people,
that had so many faces.

Often I get so tired of that,
not being able to expect realness,
always needing to be planning
planning for the worst.

This worst I could not have been planning though,
I would never expect it to go down this way,
And together we are in such a nice flow,
I can’t believe we are not okay.

The former

I can’t even remember how it started,
The dark clouds have been around for a while,
All I know is that day you confused me.
And after you never went the extra mile.

Take me down just a little bit more
It does not even really matter what you say.
What are relationships really for?
If the love and the lust so easily fade away.

I have let you push me off the pedestal,
I wasn’t even on in the first place.
And now we are acting even stranger than strangers,
In this godforsaken time and space.

I am not something to be picked up,
From a convenience store around the corner.
But have a good transition, man,
From my lover, you now became a former.

For a friend

If love is the greatest thing in the world,
Why has it been feeling like the worst?
Just asking for a friend.

If making love is the ultimate way of becoming one,
Why is it often the start of goodbye?
Again, just asking for a friend.

My friend would also like to know,
Why the guy is holding her hand so perfectly,
When we are outside, is it just for show?

My friend wonders about that hand,
Cause that is an act of the heart,
The same heart that cast her out.

What it really comes down to is this,
Does love need to be easy?
Can’t wait to hear back from you.

Love,

A friend

Crashing on you

I have wanted this for so long,
That I can only be terrified.
How can love feel so wrong,
And yet you and me together are so right.

I am not just falling for you,
going way to quick,
I come crashing down, boo
Thinking way too big.

I just want to be casual about it,
I just want to enjoy your company,
we are such a great fit,
Why do I always have to worry?
I pictured our end,
before we even began,
First you were just a friend,
And now you are kinda my man.

You are my man, but yet you’re not mine,
And here I am, just being all yours.
Honestly I am not fine,
Ever since I met you I am lost.

I sigh, cause of the butterflies,
and I sigh because of the trouble I foresee,
I wish it was just clear skies,
I wish you weren’t everything to me.

Cloud 9

In the morning I open my eyes,
and all I see is you.
I see your face, your beautiful smile,
but you are not in my bed.

instead you are in my head,
always and forever.
and you have been,
ever since that moment I first saw you.

I don’t know how I make it through,
being so in love
without really having you.
it has been though but that’s okay,

it will all be clear one day.
I am fine not being by your side
as I carry you with me in my mind.
Peacefully.