The Hole

It seemed so far away,
That dark place.
I knew it was there,
As I tiptood around it before.

I tried to be careful,
But the heart wants what it wants,
And god knows, I definitely do.
Even knowing that I should be into you.

For a while I kinda forgot about that dark place,
That pit in the ground I might sink in,
It seemed a bit further away for a while.
I still knew it was there, but I did not think about it as much.

Until bang I was reminded,
With just one look into your eyes,
One time standing too close,
As your breath touched my face.

As your breath touched my face,
You entered my heart.
My heart that needed rest,
That needed time to heal.

But nope, my heart was back in business,
Making sure I’d think about you all the time,
When I woke up, when I ate lunch, when I went to bed,
Being obsessed by you, even though my mind knew better.

My mind always knows better, but my heart is not okay.
And when my heart is not okay, it won’t let me take the lead.
It will race towards that god forsaken dark place in a matter of minutes,
And make me fall into that hole, that hole that had been there waiting.

It had been waiting for me to cross the line,
It had been waiting for all this time.
It wanted to devour me, swallow me whole,
And I blame you.

Even though you have never promised me anything,
It was you that made me go tot hat point of no return,
Then I realised though, that was not fair,
Not that it was a hole that was just there.

Someone had put it there, but I hadn’t realised that wasn’t you.
It was me who set it all up.
It was me taking the shovel, starting to dig.
It had always been me, trying to trap myself, and it will always be.



Love is a strange beast

I am still not sure about it,
being in love with someone,
does that mean I love them?
What does loving someone mean anyway?

I only know that I want you close to me,
I might not even want a relationship,
Just want us to be together, to hang out,
Why does it feel wrong to be wanting that?

It is you, being so distant,
Trying to keep me away from the real person inside,
Is that your fear of commitment speaking,
Or is my borderline the reason for you to hide?

I would be fine with any of the things mentioned,
as long as the reason is not love,
I really want this loving feeling to last forever,
But I am so afraid our love is already damned.

I really try to keep quiet,
and not show to many feelings towards you,
But inside I am so freaking afraid,
That somethings I just can’t not do.



I can smell your fear from miles away,

I always thought I’d be immune,

But lately it seems to have evolved,

we are simply not in tune.


I used to be able to let it go,

but I now I don’t see how.

Your fear has silenced even me,

what to do with my strong feelings now?


I want to be the wonderful person,

I know I am when I’m head over heels,

but there’s is something holding me back,

even though I definitely feel all the feels.


I feel bad for not being who I truly am,

A warm, caring, gentle and loving human being,

but I can’t cause I need to protect myself too,

though I want to with every fiber in my being.


Sometimes I just want to scream out to you,

frustrated cause you do not seem to care,

disappointed cause you let fear rule you,

and stand in the way of this love, how unfair.



I admire you,
Ever since I first saw you.
I am nuts about you,
Even though you haven’t always been true.

I keep falling in love with people,
that eventually hurt me.
My mind knows better,
but it can’t keep my heart from longing.

Why do I feel so bad?
Is it wrong to be in love?
Am I out of line for appreciating you?
There is nothing I won’t do.

I really want to be around you,
And even if that is just as friends,
Or as friends that are doing it,
That is okay for now,

But don’t shut me out,
Don’t just neglect me for days,
expecting the same lovely treatment,
that I would have given you on a daily basis.

It is insane how my feelings,
that are so true,
feel so illegal somehow.
And I blame you.

If it is illegal to love you,
even though I have been so decent all these years,
It should be just as illegal,
to neglect me and ignite my fears.


Push factor

What’s up, I said,
I’ll do it alone, you said
But to you that must have been different,
than what it like sounded in my head.

I want to be there for you,
As a lover, as a friend,
but yet you won’t let me,
and that’s just got me bend.

I am knocking on your door,
Until my knuckles bleed.
But yet you won’t let me in,
Am I not what you need?

You want to stay lonely,
While I am ready to give you my all,
You keep on being that push factor
Are you so afraid to let go of the control?

No matter how much love I want to give,
You have to be open to receive,
I can’t keep standing in front of a door closed,
cause that is against what I believe.

Love should be a two way thing,
Not just sharing a house together,
You will have to open up yourself,
Even if that does not seem for the better.

It feels lonely and stupid to be standing here.
I guess you are not ready to give me your all,
But I am not ready to give up yet,
Cause I already took that fall.


Knowing you

You came into my life,

I was starstruck, wow,

I knew I had to know you,

but I am not so sure now.


Knowing you hurts.

My life was good,

when I did not know,

You existed, boo.


Now my life consists,

out of longing for a special connection,

like we had, and still have,

that I even see in my reflection.


Cause I see that you have touched me,

My look has changed tremendously,

Like a mother when she had her first child,

filled with love but no longer free.


Knowing you hurts,

Cause everyone else is not,

No one can be you,

you stuck around in my thoughts.


Your face is printed in my brain,

The magic that we were together,

And I do try and look,

But I will find nothing better.


Knowing you hurts,

cause you are out there,

and even if you weren’t,

I’d know you are somewhere.


I had to put them there

I saw it coming from the start,

But still it came as a surprise.
Me carrying around this heavy heart,
Cause yours is made of ice.
Tonight you said those words out loud,
Words I had to put there first,
Cause you feel like a fraud,
Not realizing you did the worst.
Immediately I felt sorry for you,
it must be awful feeling like this,
But not long after I realised the truth,
all those things about you I will miss.
I don’t know what hurts more,
Not being loved by the one,
Or not being able to kiss you anymore,
Can’t believe everything is gone.
Now we are no longer speaking,
And I don’t even act like I’m OK,
I can’t, I constantly hear my voice squeaking,
Will there ever be a better day?
Please tell me things will be less bad,
I can’t bare being without him,
I thought time would make me less sad,
But months later my heart’s still grimm.