The Hole

It seemed so far away,
That dark place.
I knew it was there,
As I tiptood around it before.

I tried to be careful,
But the heart wants what it wants,
And god knows, I definitely do.
Even knowing that I should be into you.

For a while I kinda forgot about that dark place,
That pit in the ground I might sink in,
It seemed a bit further away for a while.
I still knew it was there, but I did not think about it as much.

Until bang I was reminded,
With just one look into your eyes,
One time standing too close,
As your breath touched my face.

As your breath touched my face,
You entered my heart.
My heart that needed rest,
That needed time to heal.

But nope, my heart was back in business,
Making sure I’d think about you all the time,
When I woke up, when I ate lunch, when I went to bed,
Being obsessed by you, even though my mind knew better.

My mind always knows better, but my heart is not okay.
And when my heart is not okay, it won’t let me take the lead.
It will race towards that god forsaken dark place in a matter of minutes,
And make me fall into that hole, that hole that had been there waiting.

It had been waiting for me to cross the line,
It had been waiting for all this time.
It wanted to devour me, swallow me whole,
And I blame you.

Even though you have never promised me anything,
It was you that made me go tot hat point of no return,
Then I realised though, that was not fair,
Not that it was a hole that was just there.

Someone had put it there, but I hadn’t realised that wasn’t you.
It was me who set it all up.
It was me taking the shovel, starting to dig.
It had always been me, trying to trap myself, and it will always be.

 

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Love is a strange beast

I am still not sure about it,
being in love with someone,
does that mean I love them?
What does loving someone mean anyway?

I only know that I want you close to me,
I might not even want a relationship,
Just want us to be together, to hang out,
Why does it feel wrong to be wanting that?

It is you, being so distant,
Trying to keep me away from the real person inside,
Is that your fear of commitment speaking,
Or is my borderline the reason for you to hide?

I would be fine with any of the things mentioned,
as long as the reason is not love,
I really want this loving feeling to last forever,
But I am so afraid our love is already damned.

I really try to keep quiet,
and not show to many feelings towards you,
But inside I am so freaking afraid,
That somethings I just can’t not do.

Silenced

I can smell your fear from miles away,

I always thought I’d be immune,

But lately it seems to have evolved,

we are simply not in tune.

 

I used to be able to let it go,

but I now I don’t see how.

Your fear has silenced even me,

what to do with my strong feelings now?

 

I want to be the wonderful person,

I know I am when I’m head over heels,

but there’s is something holding me back,

even though I definitely feel all the feels.

 

I feel bad for not being who I truly am,

A warm, caring, gentle and loving human being,

but I can’t cause I need to protect myself too,

though I want to with every fiber in my being.

 

Sometimes I just want to scream out to you,

frustrated cause you do not seem to care,

disappointed cause you let fear rule you,

and stand in the way of this love, how unfair.

Declaration

You don’t answer my text,

and I get ready for another lonely night,

I know you will respond later,

but it does not feel right.
My heart hopes you can’t respond,

cause you are on your way to my place,

just so you could stand in my doorway,

and declare your love face to face.
Oh silly heart, this ain’t a movie,

the head knows this will not end well,

you will be broken, every night,

waiting for this boy to ring your doorbell.
His heart simply does not sing,

the way yours does in living color,

he is not appreciative of your love,

so what the hell are you loving him for?
He tells you he has a great time with you,

but his butterflies for you are non existing,

girl, protect yourself from this silly man, 

cause these real life things have no happy ending.

Bad

I admire you,
Ever since I first saw you.
I am nuts about you,
Even though you haven’t always been true.

I keep falling in love with people,
that eventually hurt me.
My mind knows better,
but it can’t keep my heart from longing.

Why do I feel so bad?
Is it wrong to be in love?
Am I out of line for appreciating you?
There is nothing I won’t do.

I really want to be around you,
And even if that is just as friends,
Or as friends that are doing it,
That is okay for now,

But don’t shut me out,
Don’t just neglect me for days,
expecting the same lovely treatment,
that I would have given you on a daily basis.

It is insane how my feelings,
that are so true,
feel so illegal somehow.
And I blame you.

If it is illegal to love you,
even though I have been so decent all these years,
It should be just as illegal,
to neglect me and ignite my fears.

Is it wrong?

When I close my eyes,
My eyes still see,
They show me you,
And your gorgeousness kills me.

When I finally shut up,
Inside, it is my heart that speaks up,
Making me feel so weak,
Cause deep down I know what’s up.

Is it wrong though, to be in love with this man?
It has been so long though, being in love with this friend.
When the palms of my hands are facing upwards,
I feel your fingers slide nextto mine.

I miss it so much, walking in the streets hand in hand,
Boy, as a couple we looked so damn fine.
Why can’t I have what I really really want?
I know I am weak, but is it bad to love a guy?

Is it wrong to want to give him my all?
Or am I just living in a big lie?

Push factor

What’s up, I said,
I’ll do it alone, you said
But to you that must have been different,
than what it like sounded in my head.

I want to be there for you,
As a lover, as a friend,
but yet you won’t let me,
and that’s just got me bend.

I am knocking on your door,
Until my knuckles bleed.
But yet you won’t let me in,
Am I not what you need?

You want to stay lonely,
While I am ready to give you my all,
You keep on being that push factor
Are you so afraid to let go of the control?

No matter how much love I want to give,
You have to be open to receive,
I can’t keep standing in front of a door closed,
cause that is against what I believe.

Love should be a two way thing,
Not just sharing a house together,
You will have to open up yourself,
Even if that does not seem for the better.

It feels lonely and stupid to be standing here.
I guess you are not ready to give me your all,
But I am not ready to give up yet,
Cause I already took that fall.

You do

You are amazing.
you are gorgeous.
you are everything,
but mine.

you make me smile.
you make me blush.
you make me happy,
and cry.

your kisses are awesome,
your kisses are hot,
your kisses are addictive,
but they’re gone.

you and I could have,
you and I would have,
you and I should have,
but you and I won’t.

Wrong

What is wrong with me
for loving you so?
I have asked myself
over and over again.

What happened to me
to make me fall so deep
into unconditional love
with you.

it might be a question
I never get the answer to.
cause this love will
probably stay unanswered.

it might be a question
I never want the answer to
cause it hurts you
and might take me down too.

is that even the question though?
I wonder, is this about me?
is it about my fault for falling for you,
or is about your unwillingness to deal?

what happened to you
to make you shut out
this beautiful love I am
ready to give?

Losing time

You caught me by surprise,
everytime I would see you.
Time would just be slipping through my fingers,
and it felt so good.

The controlfreak letting go,
being in a most zen state,
feeling home, feeling free,
just by one date.

More dates followed,
and the feeling did not change,
Time and time again,
it was like quiet sand in an hourglass.

The other day you told me,
you love that feeling too,
together we lose the time,
but it definitely ain’t time lost.

It meant so much to me,
to hear you say these things,
but it seems you have been taken them back,
since a few days.

You have been off the radar,
that is just your thing,
but this thing between us,
I really started to believe in.

Now it feels like time is not on my side,
Like our time started ticking,
racing to that moment that we both know is coming,
is our time running out?