It’s not that

That fateful day when you broke my heart,
It was in a million pieces.
I tried to pick them up, and put them back again.
But I did not realize I was all alone.

And when I did, shit got hard.
I needed to get used to the loneliness,
as the loneliness I’d have felt before, was nothing like it.
And as low as I was, little did I know shit was only going to get worse.

Cause you did not try.
You did not lift a finger.
You did not dare to say the words,
and that has left my whole being in pieces.

Pieces that will probably never be picked up,
pieces that I will have to miss in my character forever.
Pieces that other people that want to be close to me, will curse me for, or even you.
Pieces that would have been fine, had you not walked away so limpy as you did.

I don’t know how to feel about it anymore.
I feel sorry for you, for being such a coward, incapable of breaking us up yourself.
At the same time you apparently still have feelings too, so I might need to feel sad for you, as you probably wanted a happily ever after too.
But sometimes I can only feel the rage, that is building up inside of me, a rage that does not fit my personality, cause it is simply too big, too deep, and too much all together.
But most of all, it is too true. It is legit, and it should stay inside.

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Anger

It started off as a warm spot within my heart.
A soft spot for you,
cause even though I knew you weren’t entirely my type,
I thought I’d found a love that was true.

The warm spot became a flame when you answered,
when we fell in love madly,
We could only see eachother,
Damn, we were so happy,

The flame was not there long enough.
every day it lost a bit of its spark,
until the beautiful light that once was,
was gone and everything turned dark.

We were still together,
but I never felt so alone,
All this time you acted like nothing could be better,
But apparently your love was already gone.

You should have said something earlier,
so we could find the spark again.
You should have done your best,
Cause I was still your woman.

Instead, you decided that keeping me in the dark was safe,
Until it wasn’t.
Your lies sparked a flame so big,
That had you known about it, you would be stunned.

But you don’t know about this huge fire that is inside of me.
A heat that has burnt my heart to nothingness,
Our fire that was a beautiful flame,
has now become an uncontrollable sea of hate, no less.

The embrace

We sat there, next to each other,
but yet with something big between us.
Would it go away if I acted on it?
Was it even there in the first place?

You must have felt the same.
You put your arm around me,
the comfort I felt, was indescribable
The longing for more, turned into something unstoppable.

And you must have felt the same.
Your warm embrace turned warmer,
Your face was so close to mine,
You looked so fine man, so fine.

 

Grenades forever

My thoughts are like grenades,
I want to throw them at you,
But I’m not sure as sometimes that feeling fades,
And then I never do.

There will be a massive explosion,
one day in the distant future,
I hope that day I will truly be done,
with feeling like a loser.

I offered you my forever
But you did not take it.
It’s not like you said: never,
You just knew we wouldn’t make it.

See what you did there love?
You created your own selffullfilling prophecy
I usually don’t believe in that stuff,
But your bahaviour has a hold on me.

On us, to be more precize,
Cause due to your silly words,
Somehow this relationship doesn’t suffice,
and we ended up so much worse.

How do we put an end to this?
You are just going to wait it out,
While I feed you so much love with every kiss,
that you return with so much doubt.

 

The satisfaction

Your lips on mine,
We became closer,
Not just our bodies,
but also our minds.

It was more though,
it was not just a kiss,
it was so much more.
it was perfection.

It was the best comfort,
that I had ever felt.
It was the exact thing
that I needed for so long.

It was in the making for a while,
for years to be exact,
so the moment we touched,
was like electricity.

Now I can only think back,
to an evening very well spent,
To the most satisfactory moment,
that I could ever imagine.

The longing, the longing was huge,
But it felt so natural,
as if this was always going to happen,
as if we had rehearsed it already.

Don’t make me fall

It was painful,
it hurted me,
in more ways
than I could imagine.

And now I finally,
got back up,
I have accepted my faith,
Ready to rock again.

But then there’s you.
You who has been there,
for quite a while.
I thought I had forgotten.

But I hadn’t,
I should have,
but I hadn’t
And now I am down,

I am down
cause you made me fall
you made me fall in love with you
all over again.

no matter how hard I try
to unfall in love with you
to view you as just this guy
that is close to me in life,

I can’t help but want more,
even though we ain’t good
We are good to each other,
but we are not good for each other.

I guess opposites attract,
but how long can one attraction take?
what kind of chemical madness is this,
making me want you after so many years.

No chance

You are going to bring me down,
Even though you have no idea.
But yet I keep reaching for you,
as if I really want you to hurt me.

It is complicated to deal with this,
as love is madness,
Is this love in the first place,
or chemistry, lust or other craziness?

I know I should not want you,
in any possible way,
but yet I fall into your arms,
hearing you whisper I should stay.

I can’t decide if it’s a game,
or who is actually playing,
Are you thinking about me at all?
There so many things we are not saying

It is hard to look at the future,
when Cupid forces you to,
especially as my brain knows better,
And possibly, so do you.

The moment

Staring deeply in your eyes
Our warm, soft lips touch,
and our tongues find each other,
while I run my fingers through your hair.

You whisper into my ear,
how I smell and kiss so good.
While I nibble your ear,
feeling your body movement with my hands.

My breathing gets more intense,
as the spark that is between us,
is only getting bigger through this moment of passion,
The longing for more is bigger than us two.

You ask me to stay.
To think about a question like that
while we both know that thinking is not a thing to do right now.
So I let you take me away, into that other world.

Drunken Monkey

That night we had a phonecall for four hours straight,
We talked, we laughed, we flirted,
it was a Saturdaynight, and though I was sober,
you definitely weren’t.

If you’d be sober too, I know we would not talk like this,
you would be silent,
you would not dare to say anything much,
are you not comfortable or not interested?

I caught myself looking it up on google,
why does he only reach out to me when he’s drunk?
Are you afraid of me when you are sober,
or are you simply just not that into me?

I don’t know what to do about this shit,
I was supposed to just have you make me feel good,
Good about myself again, after a hurtful relationship,
You weren’t supposed to fix me, just make me feel a woman again.

In some sense you could not have me feel any more like a woman though,
I am sitting here, being in love,
like some kind of crazy teenager.
It is driving me nuts.

I don’t want to be like this,
I don’t want to be rejected,
that was exactly the point,
to get out of that sad and lonely feeling.

I am running from myself,
and I was counting on you.
I need you to keep me sane,
but yet you are the one making me lose it all.