Tag Archives: love

Happiness

Consciously insane

I do not always lay on my bed crying.
Really I don’t.
I do not always smile while dying inside.
Really I don’t.

On good days you will see me strut.
walking confidently through the streets.
Or doing household tasks happily
with a big smile on my face.

It is conscious insanity,
all triggered by your existence.
it is knowingly being crazy,
all triggered by your resistance.

Sweet and sour,
Cold and hot.
Sit and stand.
Winter and summer.

You are all these things wrapped into one.
making me feel on top of the world or totally done.
you make me insane and that is okay,
you make me insane and that is okay.

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Heartbreak

Tell me

You tell your friends
I am your girlfriend
but you forgot to tell me.

I tell my friends
that I love you
and yet I do not tell you.

There is always this odd space
between the two of us.
It’s full of question marks.
I am not sure if it bothers you,
you are not sure if it bothers me,
it is just there.

is it making our love stronger?
or is it keeping us from going deeper?
is this even love?

Tell me man,
cause I’ve been waiting
as patiently as I can be.

tell me man,
cause you make me
so much better than I could ever be.

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Heartbreak

A thousand suns

Sitting on a bus together.
You are falling asleep,
but before you do,
you look at me.

As our eyes meet
you start to smile, twinkling eyes
you do something to me
a little paradise.

it’s like you put a thousand suns
deep inside of me, boo
and as they shine,
their rays shine right back at you.

you seem to be wearing sunglasses though.
hopelessly unfortunate,
I have so much to give.
But you will never know any of it.

yet I sit next to you on the bus
feeling the warmth inside
wishing my love would fade away
and yet wishing you’d hold me tight.

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Happiness

I noticed

We are a war zone of mixed signals.
One moment you make my heart cold.
With your Tinder swipin’ egotistical behaviour,
Do you think I don’t know you can’t be that bold?

And then there are the times that you don’t hurt me.
Instead, you make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
It is when you take off your glove to hold my hand,
Or buy the magazine for which I write.

We are a war zone of mixed signals.
I can talk about them with my friends forever,
I keep on fantasising what we could be.
Even though I know that is not clever.

The thing is: you do something to me.
Even though we fire our weapons good and bad,
my heart always picks the positive things,
and wants to forget those that make me sad.

In our war zone of mixed signals that is a stupid thing to do,
My little old heart is taking risks, man
But it is not a wrong thing to do,
cause I am open to loving you in any way I can.

And while I am at it,
I will keep on noticing the little things you do,
Like holding a door, calling me your girlfriend to your friends,
and all those other things that make me love you.

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Heartbreak

Useless love

You want my love,
and yet you don’t.
You want to talk to me,
but you won’t.

Or do you prefer silence?
Like you silence my feelings,
The love I hold for you is great,
and flattering to most human beings.

Somehow that does not count,
when it comes to you dear,
cause when it comes to you,
the ruler, the king, the god is fear.

That is so sad you see?
I have wonderful things to give,
And with all those fuzzy warm feelings inside,
I am not sure how to live.

If I can’t share them with you,
If I need to keep them in a cage,
Not sure if I can truly be myself.
But I am not ready to turn the page.

I feel so stupid for adoring you so much,
For having this useless love inside,
The best thing I can’t give to you,
Even now that I am officially by your side.

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Heartbreak

Locked up

I am doing the time,
but it does not make sense,
I am doing the time,
cause we are more than friends.

I am an inmate of love,
cause I can’t share it with you,
I am an inmate of love,
cause I can’t get through.

I am kept inside a cage,
cause of my being in love state,
I am kept inside a cage,
solely because you are afraid.

I’m wearing striped pyjamas,
cause I let you put me down.
I’m wearing striped pyjamas,
You make me feel like a clown.

I am locked up,
Even though I have so much to offer,
I am locked up,
Just for being your lover.

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Heartbreak

Not a good night

Why I am so stupid, loving a person that does not want my love.
Why am I addicted to pain so much, that I would even take it to the level of sorrow?
The physical pain I know, that is just cutting, letting go,
but the type of pain within the soul, it’s unbearable.

When I think about him, I am not sure if it is the love or the pain that takes my breath away.
Knowing he will never feel the same way about me,
Knowing I will always long for his love, which I am never to receive.
Knowing what I have always known: the real me is not worthy.

How silly of me to fall in love with the guy that does not want to be loved,
a guy that turns my eternal, everlasting love away, the good stuff.
A man so easy to hate, and yet so easy to love.
I can’t help myself but being totally invested in him.

It kills me, slowly, but surely.
The love for him builds me up, only to be taken down again.
I keep waiting for that big romantic gesture
I keep thinking I can be the woman that will change his life forever.

But I won’t be, cause he won’t let me.
I will just be another woman who wanted to save him,
another woman that did not succeed,
and somehow only left him more miserable inside.

it devastates me, it destroys me,
loving him is the hardest thing I did,
and yet I can’t imagine it being different.
I am longing for air, knowing I can’t breathe.

 

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Happiness

Good morning

Soft sheets, warm matras,
your body laying next to me
your fingers gently stroking me
I kiss your messy hair.

as the sun rays start to come in
we start talking, about everything.
a relaxed conversation,
while I lovingly crawl towards you.

I ask you about your guitar
hanging proud above your bed
you smile, and grab it for me
you a play a tune, you softly start singing

i can only watch,
watch your fingers play,
listen to your sweet voice
not even hearing the lyrics.

so infatuated with you,
on this beautiful morning,

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Happiness

Look at you

Cheap candles burning,
Guitar music playing in the background,
your friends on the couch,
me right here, safe and sound.

It is not perfect,
but it is perfect to me.
the cracks might already be showing,
but this evening is lovely, don’t you agree?

sometimes I can’t look at you,
afraid my heart will beat right out of my chest,
and I might say three little words,
hoping for the best.

I will possibly never tell you,
but I will never forget about this,
just looking at you enjoying yourself,
feeling inside so much bliss.

it is like I am a different person,
a super hero being more than one,
being able to love you like this,
knowing that one day you’ll be gone.

for now though, I am just sitting here,
looking at you, being a fool,
feeling the strongest feeling of all,
trying to be casual and cool.

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