Push factor

What’s up, I said,
I’ll do it alone, you said
But to you that must have been different,
than what it like sounded in my head.

I want to be there for you,
As a lover, as a friend,
but yet you won’t let me,
and that’s just got me bend.

I am knocking on your door,
Until my knuckles bleed.
But yet you won’t let me in,
Am I not what you need?

You want to stay lonely,
While I am ready to give you my all,
You keep on being that push factor
Are you so afraid to let go of the control?

No matter how much love I want to give,
You have to be open to receive,
I can’t keep standing in front of a door closed,
cause that is against what I believe.

Love should be a two way thing,
Not just sharing a house together,
You will have to open up yourself,
Even if that does not seem for the better.

It feels lonely and stupid to be standing here.
I guess you are not ready to give me your all,
But I am not ready to give up yet,
Cause I already took that fall.


Knowing you

You came into my life,

I was starstruck, wow,

I knew I had to know you,

but I am not so sure now.


Knowing you hurts.

My life was good,

when I did not know,

You existed, boo.


Now my life consists,

out of longing for a special connection,

like we had, and still have,

that I even see in my reflection.


Cause I see that you have touched me,

My look has changed tremendously,

Like a mother when she had her first child,

filled with love but no longer free.


Knowing you hurts,

Cause everyone else is not,

No one can be you,

you stuck around in my thoughts.


Your face is printed in my brain,

The magic that we were together,

And I do try and look,

But I will find nothing better.


Knowing you hurts,

cause you are out there,

and even if you weren’t,

I’d know you are somewhere.


I had to put them there

I saw it coming from the start,

But still it came as a surprise.
Me carrying around this heavy heart,
Cause yours is made of ice.
Tonight you said those words out loud,
Words I had to put there first,
Cause you feel like a fraud,
Not realizing you did the worst.
Immediately I felt sorry for you,
it must be awful feeling like this,
But not long after I realised the truth,
all those things about you I will miss.
I don’t know what hurts more,
Not being loved by the one,
Or not being able to kiss you anymore,
Can’t believe everything is gone.
Now we are no longer speaking,
And I don’t even act like I’m OK,
I can’t, I constantly hear my voice squeaking,
Will there ever be a better day?
Please tell me things will be less bad,
I can’t bare being without him,
I thought time would make me less sad,
But months later my heart’s still grimm.

No belief

My mind knows things

but my heart won’t listen

My friends tell me no

but your face screams yes

I belief in this thing called love

this thing you aren’t capable of

I’d like to lie to myself about it too,

all to disguise how much I love you.

Being with you is like going to a masquerade,

at first I’m nervous, a bit afraid.

But soon I notice I do not have to be,

We are hiding, even though it’s just you and me.


Heart stolen

You stole my heart,

it sounds adorable,

but it isn’t.

in fact, it’s quite awful.


You stealing my heart,

meaning it is all yours.

I can no longer have it,

I do not control its course.


You stole it,

and with you being gone,

it is officially missing,

and that is just wrong.


I have nothing to give,

nothing to offer a new you,

cause there’s just a black hole,

and a girl feeling blue.


It took me a long time to see,

that I needed my heart returned.

I am still not sure of it,

but you really got me burned.


I am still thinking about you,

still you take my breath away,

but I need to own my heart again,

to live and love another day.



It was not meant to happen this way.
We were never supposed to stick this long.
A summer fling, is what I would say.
But now even the autumn leaves are long gone.

This was not supposed to happen, boo
You aren’t even built for a love like this.
Yet every extra moment I get with you,
fills my heart with so much bliss.

It’s the moments we are not together,
that make me feel useless.
No matter how many changes of weather,
We keep on doing this.

Am I just convenient to you man,
Or is this big love distorted by your mind?
Please share it if you can,
Cause what I have to give is so kind.


Secret identity

You are waiting for me,
as I am on my way to you.
Looking forward to seeing each other,
but deep down I feel blue.

I am close to your doorstep now.
Every time I am about to hold you again,
I realize that this is not forever.
I remember myself to enjoy it while I still can.

You open the door and as I see your face,
I can’t help but smile, ear to ear.
You press me against you, lovingly,
and away goes my fear.

Our moments together are everything,
But after I feel so low.
The greatest thing I have for you,
Is living in the shadow.

The feelings of love set in,
But I can’t show you that part of me,
The cool girl is who I am on the outside.
And inside, my secret identity



Tell me

You tell your friends
I am your girlfriend
but you forgot to tell me.

I tell my friends
that I love you
and yet I do not tell you.

There is always this odd space
between the two of us.
It’s full of question marks.
I am not sure if it bothers you,
you are not sure if it bothers me,
it is just there.

is it making our love stronger?
or is it keeping us from going deeper?
is this even love?

Tell me man,
cause I’ve been waiting
as patiently as I can be.

tell me man,
cause you make me
so much better than I could ever be.