3.5 years in the making, making love to those sweet sounds of Frank Ocean, though we both weren’t even listening.
Tag Archives: bpd
Let go
If you love something,
let it go,
and if it comes back to you,
keep it.
It’s something people always say,
and quote, being all smart,
but the fact of the matter is,
that is simply not how it works when it comes to the heart.
If you truly love,
the thought of letting go is true horror,
plus, why would you go through the moarning,
what is that supposed to be used for?
If you truly love something,
do anything you want.
Don’t tempt yourself into playing games,
or to test someone, it’s not true.
Just love, and love as hard as you can,
Especially if the feeling is so strong, man.
Stop
Cupid please stop fucking with my head
pouring thoughts in it that drive me mad.
you shouldn’t want something that’s already dead.
you making me feel this way only makes me sad.
love is supposed to be beautiful man,
it is more than just: oh that body, oh damn.
I am doing anything I can,
to stop this crazy love, cause I’m not a fan.
you make me do things I really shouldn’t
you make me feel things I normally wouldn’t
and it’s just waiting for this guy to say he couldn’t
for my heart to be ruined.
Body on me
Laying in bed, late at night,
but it’s not the sleep that I fight.
it’s the thought of you,
and specifically some stuff you do.
I close my eyes,
picture you between my thighs.
feeling your body press up against mine,
damn dude, you are so fine.
you do me so good I think I’m gonna die,
especially when you look me straight in the eye.
come closer, put your lips on my lips,
while I get this warm feeling between my hips.
Your hands find all the right places,
and once again my heart races.
the thought of you being inside me,
really drives me crazy.
And as soon as you go in,
I want to push my nails into your skin.
I want you to give it to me so badly,
please man, just set me free.
I don’t want it
I have been laying on my couch,
fantasizing about a life that is impossible.
I have been laying in my bed,
looking at your pictures, butterflies galore.
What is this, this being in love?
Is it just a happy time to dream,
Cause I feel a different side to it too.
I feel rejection, wanting more from you.
I am not entitled to anything,
And I know love is not about possession,
I do not need to meet your parents,
but I simply want to be closer to you.
I can be ultimately close to your body,
but it is your mind that I want too.
Do I occupy your mind, like you do mine?
Are you as uncomfortable like me?
Maybe I do not want an answer to these questions,
this is probably for the better.
We are just friends, having fun,
I just don’t want this to be over.
Waiting
I am just waiting on you,
like a sad puppy
for a love that can’t be true
and yet I feel this way.
I am waiting on you
to take me away
to appreciate and adore me
every damn day.
I am waiting for you
to show me you can handle it
to show me that you love it
but you won’t.
The Hole
It seemed so far away,
That dark place.
I knew it was there,
As I tiptood around it before.
I tried to be careful,
But the heart wants what it wants,
And god knows, I definitely do.
Even knowing that I should be into you.
For a while I kinda forgot about that dark place,
That pit in the ground I might sink in,
It seemed a bit further away for a while.
I still knew it was there, but I did not think about it as much.
Until bang I was reminded,
With just one look into your eyes,
One time standing too close,
As your breath touched my face.
As your breath touched my face,
You entered my heart.
My heart that needed rest,
That needed time to heal.
But nope, my heart was back in business,
Making sure I’d think about you all the time,
When I woke up, when I ate lunch, when I went to bed,
Being obsessed by you, even though my mind knew better.
My mind always knows better, but my heart is not okay.
And when my heart is not okay, it won’t let me take the lead.
It will race towards that god forsaken dark place in a matter of minutes,
And make me fall into that hole, that hole that had been there waiting.
It had been waiting for me to cross the line,
It had been waiting for all this time.
It wanted to devour me, swallow me whole,
And I blame you.
Even though you have never promised me anything,
It was you that made me go tot hat point of no return,
Then I realised though, that was not fair,
Not that it was a hole that was just there.
Someone had put it there, but I hadn’t realised that wasn’t you.
It was me who set it all up.
It was me taking the shovel, starting to dig.
It had always been me, trying to trap myself, and it will always be.
Love is a strange beast
I am still not sure about it,
being in love with someone,
does that mean I love them?
What does loving someone mean anyway?
I only know that I want you close to me,
I might not even want a relationship,
Just want us to be together, to hang out,
Why does it feel wrong to be wanting that?
It is you, being so distant,
Trying to keep me away from the real person inside,
Is that your fear of commitment speaking,
Or is my borderline the reason for you to hide?
I would be fine with any of the things mentioned,
as long as the reason is not love,
I really want this loving feeling to last forever,
But I am so afraid our love is already damned.
I really try to keep quiet,
and not show to many feelings towards you,
But inside I am so freaking afraid,
That somethings I just can’t not do.
Silenced
I can smell your fear from miles away,
I always thought I’d be immune,
But lately it seems to have evolved,
we are simply not in tune.
I used to be able to let it go,
but I now I don’t see how.
Your fear has silenced even me,
what to do with my strong feelings now?
I want to be the wonderful person,
I know I am when I’m head over heels,
but there’s is something holding me back,
even though I definitely feel all the feels.
I feel bad for not being who I truly am,
A warm, caring, gentle and loving human being,
but I can’t cause I need to protect myself too,
though I want to with every fiber in my being.
Sometimes I just want to scream out to you,
frustrated cause you do not seem to care,
disappointed cause you let fear rule you,
and stand in the way of this love, how unfair.
Bad
I admire you,
Ever since I first saw you.
I am nuts about you,
Even though you haven’t always been true.
I keep falling in love with people,
that eventually hurt me.
My mind knows better,
but it can’t keep my heart from longing.
Why do I feel so bad?
Is it wrong to be in love?
Am I out of line for appreciating you?
There is nothing I won’t do.
I really want to be around you,
And even if that is just as friends,
Or as friends that are doing it,
That is okay for now,
But don’t shut me out,
Don’t just neglect me for days,
expecting the same lovely treatment,
that I would have given you on a daily basis.
It is insane how my feelings,
that are so true,
feel so illegal somehow.
And I blame you.
If it is illegal to love you,
even though I have been so decent all these years,
It should be just as illegal,
to neglect me and ignite my fears.
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