Tag Archives: bpd

Happiness

The sweet side of life

Again, some older work, from when I was 17 years old, a happy one for once, kinda 😉

Laughing and smiling the whole time,
Happiness has come into my heart again.
Now I can truly say I feel fine,
What’s left to worry about?

Now that lovely feeling’s back,
I can’t think of anything bad,
and I don’t want to try it too,
It’s so good, not to feel sad,

My heart is filled with flowers,
Springtime has come early this year,
I could dream bout it all for hours,
Feels like there’s nothing left to fear.

Oh, wonderful world,
Oh, wonderful life,

I’m floating around in heaven,
It’s only for a second may be.
But I will keep on laughing,
The sweet side of life I see.

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Sexy stuff, Struggle

You are not alone

The moon shines proudly in the dark night,
I look at my phone, a text from that man.
Soon he will set aside his pride,
For my attention he does all he can.

I have the power to make him crawl,
But I will not do it, I refuse.
Cause I try to actually have a soul.
creating a world where I’m not his muse.

He might sit there on the couch,
comfortably enjoying my company,
sending me pictures of his south,
But something’s wrong in this pic, see?

Just a few metres away she is asleep,
carrying his second child,
Not knowing about my existence,
or the fact that often I am on his mind.

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Struggle

Who you are

Oh I had my eye on you,
right from the start.
My head kept me away from you,
because it knew what was going on my heart.

Right there and then,
I like you for who you are,
My lover, my friend, my man.

You don’t make things easy though,
Cause your fear of commitment,
almost made me let you go,
and still it’s hard to pretend.

But still now that we are together,
I know you for who you are,
Through sunshine and stormy weather.

You can’t love me for who I am,
You wonder if you can ever love anyone,
Still I am more than just a friend,
And we are not yet done.

One day you will say goodbye,
But I love you the way you are,
Not just now, but then and till the day I die.

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Heartbreak

Not a good night

Why I am so stupid, loving a person that does not want my love.
Why am I addicted to pain so much, that I would even take it to the level of sorrow?
The physical pain I know, that is just cutting, letting go,
but the type of pain within the soul, it’s unbearable.

When I think about him, I am not sure if it is the love or the pain that takes my breath away.
Knowing he will never feel the same way about me,
Knowing I will always long for his love, which I am never to receive.
Knowing what I have always known: the real me is not worthy.

How silly of me to fall in love with the guy that does not want to be loved,
a guy that turns my eternal, everlasting love away, the good stuff.
A man so easy to hate, and yet so easy to love.
I can’t help myself but being totally invested in him.

It kills me, slowly, but surely.
The love for him builds me up, only to be taken down again.
I keep waiting for that big romantic gesture
I keep thinking I can be the woman that will change his life forever.

But I won’t be, cause he won’t let me.
I will just be another woman who wanted to save him,
another woman that did not succeed,
and somehow only left him more miserable inside.

it devastates me, it destroys me,
loving him is the hardest thing I did,
and yet I can’t imagine it being different.
I am longing for air, knowing I can’t breathe.

 

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Heartbreak

Cut it out

I saw it coming long ago.
Feeling the tension building up,
The urge to stick it in and not let go.
Not knowing how to stop.

I know exactly why I am doing this,
As soon as I push the blade into the skin,
I feel the pressure fading away.
A lovely feeling of comfort setting in.

As I lay down, watching the red,
I know I had to do this.
But the longer I lay there on my bed,
The more I feel stupid for being this.

Being this girl I was 15 years ago.
The girl with the pentagrammed arm.
The good feeling of that blood flow,
Makes room for that feeling of regret.

As I look at my arm, scratches allover,
I feel so silly, knowing everyone will see,
I hate this post hurt hangover,
This is not who I wish to be.

They limit me to my scars,
Or my fresh wounds to be pricize,
May be it is me limiting myself,
As I am the one paying the price.

Realising this, still looking at my arm,
Feeling so stupid, so much regret,
I still hold the blade in my hand,
Wanting to cut again, yet trying to forget.

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Happiness

Good morning

Soft sheets, warm matras,
your body laying next to me
your fingers gently stroking me
I kiss your messy hair.

as the sun rays start to come in
we start talking, about everything.
a relaxed conversation,
while I lovingly crawl towards you.

I ask you about your guitar
hanging proud above your bed
you smile, and grab it for me
you a play a tune, you softly start singing

i can only watch,
watch your fingers play,
listen to your sweet voice
not even hearing the lyrics.

so infatuated with you,
on this beautiful morning,

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Heartbreak, Sexy stuff

Not you

Watching a movie in the dark,
We try to sit as close as we can.
I feel your skin against my skin.
while our fingers reach out to hold hands.

Your touch takes my breath away,
The darkness of the room sets the mood,
Tonight I do not want to be nice,
Tonight I do not want to be cute.

Slowly I turn my head to look at you,
You already lean in to kiss me,
I feel your warm lips on mine,
Your playful tongue makes me dizzy.

I really want to be in this moment,
I want to feel it, really feel it my heart,
But somehow my mind wanders off,
Somehow you cannot have that part.

Painful as it is it is his face that I see,
Everytime I close my eyes,
though your love makes me feel so free,
It will simply not suffice.

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Happiness

Look at you

Cheap candles burning,
Guitar music playing in the background,
your friends on the couch,
me right here, safe and sound.

It is not perfect,
but it is perfect to me.
the cracks might already be showing,
but this evening is lovely, don’t you agree?

sometimes I can’t look at you,
afraid my heart will beat right out of my chest,
and I might say three little words,
hoping for the best.

I will possibly never tell you,
but I will never forget about this,
just looking at you enjoying yourself,
feeling inside so much bliss.

it is like I am a different person,
a super hero being more than one,
being able to love you like this,
knowing that one day you’ll be gone.

for now though, I am just sitting here,
looking at you, being a fool,
feeling the strongest feeling of all,
trying to be casual and cool.

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Happiness

Welcome Winter

Snow flakes are pressed against the window,
before the wind takes them away,
while we’re just being cosy inside,
having a wonderful, relaxing day,

I love going out of the house now,
dressed a bit too summery for the weather,
feeling winter put his icy arms around me,
freezing, but that does not matter.

People are making a snow man outside,
in Holland though the snow never stays,
some people already long for more light,
but I dread those summery days.

I wish it could be winter forever,
the blistering cold makes me feel alive again,
but soon it will be spring,
and it will be so long till another winter then.

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