My mind knows things
but my heart won’t listen
My friends tell me no
but your face screams yes
I belief in this thing called love
this thing you aren’t capable of
I’d like to lie to myself about it too,
all to disguise how much I love you.
Being with you is like going to a masquerade,
at first I’m nervous, a bit afraid.
But soon I notice I do not have to be,
We are hiding, even though it’s just you and me.
You stole my heart,
it sounds adorable,
but it isn’t.
in fact, it’s quite awful.
You stealing my heart,
meaning it is all yours.
I can no longer have it,
I do not control its course.
You stole it,
and with you being gone,
it is officially missing,
and that is just wrong.
I have nothing to give,
nothing to offer a new you,
cause there’s just a black hole,
and a girl feeling blue.
It took me a long time to see,
that I needed my heart returned.
I am still not sure of it,
but you really got me burned.
I am still thinking about you,
still you take my breath away,
but I need to own my heart again,
to live and love another day.
It was not meant to happen this way.
We were never supposed to stick this long.
A summer fling, is what I would say.
But now even the autumn leaves are long gone.
This was not supposed to happen, boo
You aren’t even built for a love like this.
Yet every extra moment I get with you,
fills my heart with so much bliss.
It’s the moments we are not together,
that make me feel useless.
No matter how many changes of weather,
We keep on doing this.
Am I just convenient to you man,
Or is this big love distorted by your mind?
Please share it if you can,
Cause what I have to give is so kind.
I gave you a year of my attention,
But what I did not realize,
was how my heart is now yours,
for the rest of my life.
You have captured it,
without really trying hard.
It belongs to you now,
even now that we’re apart.
Of course I take steps,
little ones, to move on.
to get you outta my head,
but you are never gone.
I will always carry a piece of you,
with me, its sad.
I wish I could enjoy another love,
without you in my head.
I wish the thought of you would no longer,
take my breath away.
I wish my heart was stronger,
so it could get away from you one day.
I do not always lay on my bed crying.
Really I don’t.
I do not always smile while dying inside.
Really I don’t.
On good days you will see me strut.
walking confidently through the streets.
Or doing household tasks happily
with a big smile on my face.
It is conscious insanity,
all triggered by your existence.
it is knowingly being crazy,
all triggered by your resistance.
Sweet and sour,
Cold and hot.
Sit and stand.
Winter and summer.
You are all these things wrapped into one.
making me feel on top of the world or totally done.
you make me insane and that is okay,
you make me insane and that is okay.
Sitting on a bus together.
You are falling asleep,
but before you do,
you look at me.
As our eyes meet
you start to smile, twinkling eyes
you do something to me
a little paradise.
it’s like you put a thousand suns
deep inside of me, boo
and as they shine,
their rays shine right back at you.
you seem to be wearing sunglasses though.
hopelessly unfortunate,
I have so much to give.
But you will never know any of it.
yet I sit next to you on the bus
feeling the warmth inside
wishing my love would fade away
and yet wishing you’d hold me tight.
I open up to people easily,
No issues with being closed.
And I have loved before,
But this time I overdosed.
See, my mind might be tough,
But my heart is a fragile thing.
I never allowed anyone to break it but you,
And now I can’t feel anything.
I knew you’d take me and break me
But I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
Right when I first laid eyes on you,
Heartbreak at first sight.
Why did I let you do this to me.
I never let anyone come this close before.
The question keeps going through my mind,
as I lay crying on the bathroom floor.
I’m right at that spot where we made love,
we would be so into one another,
we would forget about time,
And I didn’t even bother.
I did not just fall in love with your mind.
I miss your beautiful body so much,
It’s tough to picture it,
Not sure if I can live without your touch.
I let another man steal a kiss,
one that was meant for you, only,
I was only thinking of you,
feeling numb and lonely.
I used to be in control,
But you have awakened this other me,
A soul that does not want to get over you,
A soul that will never truly be free.
You are gone now.
Still some beer for you
in the fridge,
doesn’t matter now.
You choose to walk away.
My wet eyes watched you leave,
but I knew it wouldn’t matter,
cause I love you anyway.
You think I will forget about this,
This love, this thing between
us two.
But you don’t know what love is.
See, I will forever have feelings for you,
no matter if I find someone new,
no matter the time or the distance,
between us two.
So now I am alone.
But when you check my Instagram,
realize that this girl,
made you her number one.
Not just now that I am without you,
But whenever, whereever,
Whomever I will be with,
I will never not love you, boo
I hope soon you will understand
and really feel it in your heart,
that my door will forever be open,
cause by you I will always stand.
The grass in my garden is wet,
It is summer but yet it’s raining outside,
The water is here to nourish all plants.
It should be low but yet it’s high tide.
Do the tears in my eyes make everything a blur,
It must be the rain on the window,
I am trying hard to stay positive here,
But never ever did I feel so low.
I feel like the water is calling for me.
I step outside, to feel the rain on my skin,
Hoping it will wash away my tears,
And really just to feel anything.
My hot wet face mixes well
with the cold hard raindrops
It is so unfortunate that that is
where the cleansing stops.
I wish the water could clean my soul,
I wish the water would go through my brain,
My heart needs some tidying up too,
Anything just to get rid of this pain.
You just sat there, silent.
Made me do all the digging,
painful digging into your thoughts,
And so I had to begin.
You made me into someone I’m not,
this insecure, fragile shadow of a woman,
having to ask questions that lead to this,
You saying that you’re done.
Funny how you didn’t even say it,
You made me say the words,
So you just had to sit there and mumble,
which made this all so much worse.
Cause love, I sat there with an open heart,
ready to give it to you,
And now you pierce right through it,
saying this love can’t be true.
I sat there with so much love to give,
I would have done anything, fuck pride,
just for these words to go away,
And not feel so damn empty inside.
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