Happiness

Consciously insane

I do not always lay on my bed crying.
Really I don’t.
I do not always smile while dying inside.
Really I don’t.

On good days you will see me strut.
walking confidently through the streets.
Or doing household tasks happily
with a big smile on my face.

It is conscious insanity,
all triggered by your existence.
it is knowingly being crazy,
all triggered by your resistance.

Sweet and sour,
Cold and hot.
Sit and stand.
Winter and summer.

You are all these things wrapped into one.
making me feel on top of the world or totally done.
you make me insane and that is okay,
you make me insane and that is okay.

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Heartbreak

Tell me

You tell your friends
I am your girlfriend
but you forgot to tell me.

I tell my friends
that I love you
and yet I do not tell you.

There is always this odd space
between the two of us.
It’s full of question marks.
I am not sure if it bothers you,
you are not sure if it bothers me,
it is just there.

is it making our love stronger?
or is it keeping us from going deeper?
is this even love?

Tell me man,
cause I’ve been waiting
as patiently as I can be.

tell me man,
cause you make me
so much better than I could ever be.

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Heartbreak

A thousand suns

Sitting on a bus together.
You are falling asleep,
but before you do,
you look at me.

As our eyes meet
you start to smile, twinkling eyes
you do something to me
a little paradise.

it’s like you put a thousand suns
deep inside of me, boo
and as they shine,
their rays shine right back at you.

you seem to be wearing sunglasses though.
hopelessly unfortunate,
I have so much to give.
But you will never know any of it.

yet I sit next to you on the bus
feeling the warmth inside
wishing my love would fade away
and yet wishing you’d hold me tight.

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Happiness

I noticed

We are a war zone of mixed signals.
One moment you make my heart cold.
With your Tinder swipin’ egotistical behaviour,
Do you think I don’t know you can’t be that bold?

And then there are the times that you don’t hurt me.
Instead, you make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
It is when you take off your glove to hold my hand,
Or buy the magazine for which I write.

We are a war zone of mixed signals.
I can talk about them with my friends forever,
I keep on fantasising what we could be.
Even though I know that is not clever.

The thing is: you do something to me.
Even though we fire our weapons good and bad,
my heart always picks the positive things,
and wants to forget those that make me sad.

In our war zone of mixed signals that is a stupid thing to do,
My little old heart is taking risks, man
But it is not a wrong thing to do,
cause I am open to loving you in any way I can.

And while I am at it,
I will keep on noticing the little things you do,
Like holding a door, calling me your girlfriend to your friends,
and all those other things that make me love you.

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Heartbreak

Permission

I open up to people easily,
No issues with being closed.
And I have loved before,
But this time I overdosed.

See, my mind might be tough,
But my heart is a fragile thing.
I never allowed anyone to break it but you,
And now I can’t feel anything.

I knew you’d take me and break me
But I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
Right when I first laid eyes on you,
Heartbreak at first sight.

Why did I let you do this to me.
I never let anyone come this close before.
The question keeps going through my mind,
as I lay crying on the bathroom floor.

I’m right at that spot where we made love,
we would be so into one another,
we would forget about time,
And I didn’t even bother.

I did not just fall in love with your mind.
I miss your beautiful body so much,
It’s tough to picture it,
Not sure if I can live without your touch.

I let another man steal a kiss,
one that was meant for you, only,
I was only thinking of you,
feeling numb and lonely.

I used to be in control,
But you have awakened this other me,
A soul that does not want to get over you,
A soul that will never truly be free.

 

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Heartbreak

Hole

It is funny how it only takes one letter,
to make a hole whole again.
While in reality it takes a lifetime.
and many many wrong men.

She wanted to be loved,
she was longing for the big L O V E,
so many mistakes were made,
time and time she failed to see.

A huge krater was in her heart,
a black pit of nothingness,
it would never go away,
with no kiss, no caress.

as she grew older, nothing changed.
she is still longing for that special thing.
but she did not realise,
real love comes from within.

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Happiness, Heartbreak

Here

You are gone now.
Still some beer for you
in the fridge,
doesn’t matter now.

You choose to walk away.
My wet eyes watched you leave,
but I knew it wouldn’t matter,
cause I love you anyway.

You think I will forget about this,
This love, this thing between
us two.
But you don’t know what love is.

See, I will forever have feelings for you,
no matter if I find someone new,
no matter the time or the distance,
between us two.

So now I am alone.
But when you check my Instagram,
realize that this girl,
made you her number one.

Not just now that I am without you,
But whenever, whereever,
Whomever I will be with,
I will never not love you, boo

I hope soon you will understand
and really feel it in your heart,
that my door will forever be open,
cause by you I will always stand.

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Heartbreak

The rain

The grass in my garden is wet,
It is summer but yet it’s raining outside,
The water is here to nourish all plants.
It should be low but yet it’s high tide.

Do the tears in my eyes make everything a blur,
It must be the rain on the window,
I am trying hard to stay positive here,
But never ever did I feel so low.

I feel like the water is calling for me.
I step outside, to feel the rain on my skin,
Hoping it will wash away my tears,
And really just to feel anything.

My hot wet face mixes well
with the cold hard raindrops
It is so unfortunate that that is
where the cleansing stops.

I wish the water could clean my soul,
I wish the water would go through my brain,
My heart needs some tidying up too,
Anything just to get rid of this pain.

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Heartbreak

I can’t

You just sat there, silent.
Made me do all the digging,
painful digging into your thoughts,
And so I had to begin.

You made me into someone I’m not,
this insecure, fragile shadow of a woman,
having to ask questions that lead to this,
You saying that you’re done.

Funny how you didn’t even say it,
You made me say the words,
So you just had to sit there and mumble,
which made this all so much worse.

Cause love, I sat there with an open heart,
ready to give it to you,
And now you pierce right through it,
saying this love can’t be true.

I sat there with so much love to give,
I would have done anything, fuck pride,
just for these words to go away,
And not feel so damn empty inside.

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