Category Archives: Heartbreak

Heartbreak

I can’t

You just sat there, silent.
Made me do all the digging,
painful digging into your thoughts,
And so I had to begin.

You made me into someone I’m not,
this insecure, fragile shadow of a woman,
having to ask questions that lead to this,
You saying that you’re done.

Funny how you didn’t even say it,
You made me say the words,
So you just had to sit there and mumble,
which made this all so much worse.

Cause love, I sat there with an open heart,
ready to give it to you,
And now you pierce right through it,
saying this love can’t be true.

I sat there with so much love to give,
I would have done anything, fuck pride,
just for these words to go away,
And not feel so damn empty inside.

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Heartbreak

Useless love

You want my love,
and yet you don’t.
You want to talk to me,
but you won’t.

Or do you prefer silence?
Like you silence my feelings,
The love I hold for you is great,
and flattering to most human beings.

Somehow that does not count,
when it comes to you dear,
cause when it comes to you,
the ruler, the king, the god is fear.

That is so sad you see?
I have wonderful things to give,
And with all those fuzzy warm feelings inside,
I am not sure how to live.

If I can’t share them with you,
If I need to keep them in a cage,
Not sure if I can truly be myself.
But I am not ready to turn the page.

I feel so stupid for adoring you so much,
For having this useless love inside,
The best thing I can’t give to you,
Even now that I am officially by your side.

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Heartbreak

Locked up

I am doing the time,
but it does not make sense,
I am doing the time,
cause we are more than friends.

I am an inmate of love,
cause I can’t share it with you,
I am an inmate of love,
cause I can’t get through.

I am kept inside a cage,
cause of my being in love state,
I am kept inside a cage,
solely because you are afraid.

I’m wearing striped pyjamas,
cause I let you put me down.
I’m wearing striped pyjamas,
You make me feel like a clown.

I am locked up,
Even though I have so much to offer,
I am locked up,
Just for being your lover.

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Heartbreak

Not a good night

Why I am so stupid, loving a person that does not want my love.
Why am I addicted to pain so much, that I would even take it to the level of sorrow?
The physical pain I know, that is just cutting, letting go,
but the type of pain within the soul, it’s unbearable.

When I think about him, I am not sure if it is the love or the pain that takes my breath away.
Knowing he will never feel the same way about me,
Knowing I will always long for his love, which I am never to receive.
Knowing what I have always known: the real me is not worthy.

How silly of me to fall in love with the guy that does not want to be loved,
a guy that turns my eternal, everlasting love away, the good stuff.
A man so easy to hate, and yet so easy to love.
I can’t help myself but being totally invested in him.

It kills me, slowly, but surely.
The love for him builds me up, only to be taken down again.
I keep waiting for that big romantic gesture
I keep thinking I can be the woman that will change his life forever.

But I won’t be, cause he won’t let me.
I will just be another woman who wanted to save him,
another woman that did not succeed,
and somehow only left him more miserable inside.

it devastates me, it destroys me,
loving him is the hardest thing I did,
and yet I can’t imagine it being different.
I am longing for air, knowing I can’t breathe.

 

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Heartbreak

Cut it out

I saw it coming long ago.
Feeling the tension building up,
The urge to stick it in and not let go.
Not knowing how to stop.

I know exactly why I am doing this,
As soon as I push the blade into the skin,
I feel the pressure fading away.
A lovely feeling of comfort setting in.

As I lay down, watching the red,
I know I had to do this.
But the longer I lay there on my bed,
The more I feel stupid for being this.

Being this girl I was 15 years ago.
The girl with the pentagrammed arm.
The good feeling of that blood flow,
Makes room for that feeling of regret.

As I look at my arm, scratches allover,
I feel so silly, knowing everyone will see,
I hate this post hurt hangover,
This is not who I wish to be.

They limit me to my scars,
Or my fresh wounds to be pricize,
May be it is me limiting myself,
As I am the one paying the price.

Realising this, still looking at my arm,
Feeling so stupid, so much regret,
I still hold the blade in my hand,
Wanting to cut again, yet trying to forget.

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Heartbreak, Sexy stuff

Not you

Watching a movie in the dark,
We try to sit as close as we can.
I feel your skin against my skin.
while our fingers reach out to hold hands.

Your touch takes my breath away,
The darkness of the room sets the mood,
Tonight I do not want to be nice,
Tonight I do not want to be cute.

Slowly I turn my head to look at you,
You already lean in to kiss me,
I feel your warm lips on mine,
Your playful tongue makes me dizzy.

I really want to be in this moment,
I want to feel it, really feel it my heart,
But somehow my mind wanders off,
Somehow you cannot have that part.

Painful as it is it is his face that I see,
Everytime I close my eyes,
though your love makes me feel so free,
It will simply not suffice.

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Heartbreak

Shut the frontdoor

Standing at my front door,
You lean in for an epic kiss,
It could have been the start of something,
But yet it is the end of this.

You give me one last look,
Your eyes spark as you say bye,
As if you know you will see me next time,
But I am not so sure, am I?

I feel so empty inside.
It’s a sense of grief.
Weighing heavy on my heart,
Everytime you leave.

And when you leave then,
I try to stay happy but I can’t.
Cause you are not my friend,
Yet you are not my man.

Is it because I pour all my love on you?
My heart just seems to run out.
And then I am just alone,
Filled with questions, filled with doubt.

And when you leave, then,
This emptiness, it’s there again,
Cause you are not my friend,
Yet you are not my man.
My struggle is not obvious to you,
I do not think you understand this.
I do not think you are interested.
that it’s always you I miss.

And when you walk out, damn,
With empty hands I stand.
Cause you are not my friend,
Yet you are not my man.

And until the next date then,
in text messages I will just pretend,
Not to care bout you not being my friend,
Not to cry bout you not being my man.

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Heartbreak

Distorted

When I look at your face,
I see a beautiful smile,
It makes me feel like a million bucks,
Makes me want to go the extra mile.

When I look again,
The same smile is there,
but now it looks like a grin,
As if you don’t care.

Every little thing you do
is put under a microscope
Always explained in multiple ways
with the negative ones I have to cope.

Everything about us seems so distorted,
this was supposed to be a summer fling,
months later we are suddenly together,
though we are both weird about this love thing.

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Heartbreak, Struggle

All applicable

There, you said it.
The words are out.
I feel like shit.
Filled with doubt.

You are unable.
to love someone like me,
I feel unstable,
There’s so much more we could be.

It’s that time,
when all love songs apply.
I break down and cry,
Why can’t you love me, why?

No matter what I listen to,
Everything sounds familiair,
Both the happy feeling of loving you,
And the heartbreak, the dispair.

You sit next to me, quietly,
You wait for me to ease your pain,
Yet you do not set me free,
It is slowly driving me insane.

Often love takes over,
Especially when we get closer,

Sometimes I get sober,
But still I don’t want us to be over.

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Heartbreak

How long?

Will it be days, months?
Your love will not complete me,
we will never make it,
as it will destroy and defeat me.

Will you ever say them,
those three little words,
will you ever set yourself aside,
and put me first?

I want you so much,
my heart aches,
yet you don’t feel that way,
my heart breaks,

does it matter what I say?
can I mean something to you?
or am I just convenient for now,
will you ever follow through.

It’s like the love I feel;
is devouring me from within,
it’s like the love you lack,
is an addictive thing.

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