Category Archives: Struggle

Sexy stuff, Struggle

You are not alone

The moon shines proudly in the dark night,
I look at my phone, a text from that man.
Soon he will set aside his pride,
For my attention he does all he can.

I have the power to make him crawl,
But I will not do it, I refuse.
Cause I try to actually have a soul.
creating a world where I’m not his muse.

He might sit there on the couch,
comfortably enjoying my company,
sending me pictures of his south,
But something’s wrong in this pic, see?

Just a few metres away she is asleep,
carrying his second child,
Not knowing about my existence,
or the fact that often I am on his mind.

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Struggle

Who you are

Oh I had my eye on you,
right from the start.
My head kept me away from you,
because it knew what was going on my heart.

Right there and then,
I like you for who you are,
My lover, my friend, my man.

You don’t make things easy though,
Cause your fear of commitment,
almost made me let you go,
and still it’s hard to pretend.

But still now that we are together,
I know you for who you are,
Through sunshine and stormy weather.

You can’t love me for who I am,
You wonder if you can ever love anyone,
Still I am more than just a friend,
And we are not yet done.

One day you will say goodbye,
But I love you the way you are,
Not just now, but then and till the day I die.

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Struggle

Two sides

She was a happy girl.
A heart full of love and friends,
A head filled with many plans.
Ready to rule the world .

Now she is just a shadow.
Sitting in dark alone.
Insides are just made of stone.
Not looking forward to tomorrow.

Tomorrow she might be fun again,
but everyone will ask where she was.
They might already know the cause,
But one thing they will never understand.

That girl being so enthusiastic,
she does often feel bliss in her heart,
but she is also the other part,
that everyone finds less fantastic.

Especially cause eventually they will always know.
the deep dark days in this girls mind,
the constant love she is trying to find.
Her scars, they will always show.

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Heartbreak, Struggle

All applicable

There, you said it.
The words are out.
I feel like shit.
Filled with doubt.

You are unable.
to love someone like me,
I feel unstable,
There’s so much more we could be.

It’s that time,
when all love songs apply.
I break down and cry,
Why can’t you love me, why?

No matter what I listen to,
Everything sounds familiair,
Both the happy feeling of loving you,
And the heartbreak, the dispair.

You sit next to me, quietly,
You wait for me to ease your pain,
Yet you do not set me free,
It is slowly driving me insane.

Often love takes over,
Especially when we get closer,

Sometimes I get sober,
But still I don’t want us to be over.

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Struggle

Illusion of you

Another oldie:

I picture you in front of me,
I do that all the time.
I think about your soft lips,
And the fact that you are mine.

Then I shock myself,
I make myself feel miserable.
I realise you’re not mine.
And my illusion of you gets invisible.

Trying so hard just to get it back,
Just your face, your sweet eyes,
But it won’t work,
Cause they’re all just lies.

Lies of you, lies of me,
Stupid things that stand in between,
I gotta focus on the lovely you,
Cause that is all you have to be.

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Struggle

Take the fall?

I have found my poetry book from 14 years ago, which is giving me quite some insights. This is one of them:

All things have an end,
just as their beginnings.
But have all things got,
a point of no return?

 

Will there be one in every situation?
I guess it is just the way of handling it.
When you act wrong, you’ll get in a bad position.
But on the other hand, life is about choices.

People make mistakes, why?
We don’t know, we just say it’s human.
People make wrong choices,
And while hurting other people, it’s still a human mistake.

When is the point where a mistake isn’t human anymore?
Who decides?
I’m on the edge now, the point of no return, shall I take the fall?
Or walk back into your arms like there’s nothing wrong at all?

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Struggle

A bad one

I just found my poetry book from one hundred years ago (or may be 15..), and I just wanted to share a few things from there. This is one of my teenager poems:

After a lot of good days,
This is a bad one.
I gotta keep strong, always.
But what to do when the strength is gone?

It’s a nasty addiction,
Keeps on asking my attention,
I wih it would be fiction,
But sometimes I only feel the tension.

This atmosphere in my body parts,
It’s strange, what is going on?
Then the aching starts,
It will just go on and on.

Until I grab my skin,
Scratch it all, till it’s gone, the pressure.
But I’d be better off if I’d begin,
Begin to keep myself together: it is the only measure.

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Struggle

Home

This thing between us,
It did not start in a standard way.
It was crazy and weird,
But it felt kinda okay.

For many reasons
we did not make it then.
We were in different places,
You were just a friend.

Things are all so different now,
Between us I mean.
But the people around me,
Do not seem too keen.

They find it hard to trust you,
Or even me, being under your spell,
They are afraid you are just hurting me,
That your love is putting me through hell.

To me it does not feel that way at all,
Not that it has been a walk in the park,
But I know how I feel,
And this is more than just a spark.

I know you are not perfect for me,
We might not even fit together,
But I feel so much when I look at you.
My worries away, I feel so much better.

No one will ever be able to understand,
You are not just some syndrome,
Yes, you have me on shaky ground,
But at the same time you feel like home.

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Struggle

I’ll be okay

You stare at me with your big eyes,
I can see the pain and frustration.
I know you are trying to understand,
But stop seeing me as your patient.

Everytime you see the scars,
I see you watching the marks,
I feel you overthinking,
Hoping I’ll show you my cards.

You never seem to realise,
I am not able to share this with you,
Not because I do not want to,
But because there is nothing you can do.

Everytime we do this,
I will tell you I’ll be okay,
But I am starting to wonder,
Do I say it for you or for me?

At first I believed myself,
I thought this was just a phase.
I really had this scenario in mind,
That I could leave this behind.

These last few weeks have been different,
I notice myself saying I’ll be fine,
Not trying to comfort the people I love,
But just trying to convince this heart of mine.

While the truth of the matter is,
I am not sure if I will be okay.
So scared for the future,
I am nervous for a new day.

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