Happiness

The silence within me

There are never enough hours in a day,
I am simply never through.
Work is piling up, it never stops.
But I find relaxation in you.

Nothing is ever enough,
An inbox is never really empty,
In a world of too much,
But you make me feel free.

The world keeps turning,
There’s always something new to see,
Heads keep spinning,
But you offer a piece of tranquility.

Deadlines are heavy on my shoulders,
There are mountains of paperwork to climb.
it’s not easy stepping off the daily tredmill.
But you make me forget the time.

It’s a daily fight, falling in and out of love,
Always being afraid of the day things get dull,
Looking for problems is no use though,
Cause with you everything is peaceful.

People try to break whatever is between us.
Everybody thinks they have the key.
I have decided not to care anymore,
Cause you feel like a holiday to me.

Struggle

Illusion of you

Another oldie:

I picture you in front of me,
I do that all the time.
I think about your soft lips,
And the fact that you are mine.

Then I shock myself,
I make myself feel miserable.
I realise you’re not mine.
And my illusion of you gets invisible.

Trying so hard just to get it back,
Just your face, your sweet eyes,
But it won’t work,
Cause they’re all just lies.

Lies of you, lies of me,
Stupid things that stand in between,
I gotta focus on the lovely you,
Cause that is all you have to be.

Struggle

Take the fall?

I have found my poetry book from 14 years ago, which is giving me quite some insights. This is one of them:

All things have an end,
just as their beginnings.
But have all things got,
a point of no return?

Will there be one in every situation?
I guess it is just the way of handling it.
When you act wrong, you’ll get in a bad position.
But on the other hand, life is about choices.

People make mistakes, why?
We don’t know, we just say it’s human.
People make wrong choices,
And while hurting other people, it’s still a human mistake.

When is the point where a mistake isn’t human anymore?
Who decides?
I’m on the edge now, the point of no return, shall I take the fall?
Or walk back into your arms like there’s nothing wrong at all?

Heartbreak

I want out

I want out, is what I wanted to say to you
But to even think that, hurts.
I don’t want to be without you,
but I can’t stand not being in control.

I can’t handle it well, how my magic does not work,
I wish you were in as deeply as little old me
so you could see and feel the horror,
the constant thinking about the other.

it’s like I totally lost myself cause you came around,
my heart is just lying there like a lost and found.
you picked it up, not sure if you wanted it,
and now I am stuck with you, kid.

if I could take a pill and forget about you
I probably would
thought the hopeless romantic in me, wouldn’t have understood.
the love I feel for you is amazing in many ways,
but it is tearing me down, fucking me up at the same time.

it’s like two people are pulling on me, one of them wanting me to stop,
yelling at me bout how stupid I am
that you don’t love me, not even close,
and that you probably fuck some other hoes.

and then there is the other person pulling me,
full of love, being angry with me for even thinking about an out.
making me feel butterflies and warmth,
taking my breath away when I look at you.

and I am in the midst not handling things well.
jumping from an ecstatically happy state
into a constant stream of nothingness and depression.
I don’t think you understand what is really here.

Struggle

A bad one

I just found my poetry book from one hundred years ago (or may be 15..), and I just wanted to share a few things from there. This is one of my teenager poems:

After a lot of good days,
This is a bad one.
I gotta keep strong, always.
But what to do when the strength is gone?

It’s a nasty addiction,
Keeps on asking my attention,
I wih it would be fiction,
But sometimes I only feel the tension.

This atmosphere in my body parts,
It’s strange, what is going on?
Then the aching starts,
It will just go on and on.

Until I grab my skin,
Scratch it all, till it’s gone, the pressure.
But I’d be better off if I’d begin,
Begin to keep myself together: it is the only measure.

Heartbreak

A battle to fight alone

How to love the one whose one is not you,
How to make your friends understand,
You are not a crazy person because of it,
but yet you and him still aren’t through.

For this love I am paying a high price.
Cause when I get home at night,
I can’t see which key to use,
through the tears in my eyes.

I try to cut my way to my heart,
Just to tell it to stop loving you.
To make it change its ways,
to make it easier for our ways to part.

I know responding this way is wrong,
Every morning after I realise that.
Disappointed, wishing my scars,
did not stick around so long.

Funny enough it is not even helping anymore,
Blood running down my fingers,
but yet no longer do I feel relieved.
I feel just as lonely and heartbroken as before.

These are just the battles I fight,
All alone, with no one being able to help,
Not sure how long my little army will hold on,
before I finally see the light.

Heartbreak

A salty, soury thing

I asked you that night,
If you believed in unanswered love,
Your reply hurt me in a million ways,
especially when you blamed me for how hard I tried.

Why am I the one feeling so bad,
When you are the one not able to love?
Why am I something unclear to you,
While you are everything to me, it’s sad.

Why do they always sing
about the sweet stuff,
while love is mostly
a very salty, soury thing?

We are supposed to believe in fairytales,
And for a long time I did,
Silly me still thinks you are that prince,
But that is just my heart that fails.

The thing that hurts me the deepest,
is how you can’t seem to let me go.
You tell me you can’t love me,
but you do not want to be friends.

You do not want to miss out on me,
You hold me close, it’s almost a chokehold,
Just because you feel so guilty,
As you’re the reason we can’t be.

The cards have been played, boo
But I am not the one who shuffled,
Yet I need to make this decision,
But how do I unlove you?

Heartbreak

The whispers

No matter how official things get,
there will always be the whispers.
Those little things we do not say,
Sometimes thats bad, sometimes okay.

When you leave me in the morning,
And I close the door behind you.
Softly I would whisper:
Silly dude, I love you.

No matter how serious we are,
there will always be the whispers.
Things we do not speak about,
Things we don’t dare to say out loud.

Anytime I send you a little heart,
It is not just because I want attention.
It’s because I got your back.
Even after the friendzone.

No matter how long we’ll be together,
There will always be the whispers.
Stuff I tell my friends about you,
how I tell them this love feels so true.

Heartbreak

Someone else

When our eyes meet,
it’s always fireworks.
We know it’s on,
a perfect attraction.