That night we had a phonecall for four hours straight,
We talked, we laughed, we flirted,
it was a Saturdaynight, and though I was sober,
you definitely weren’t.

If you’d be sober too, I know we would not talk like this,
you would be silent,
you would not dare to say anything much,
are you not comfortable or not interested?

I caught myself looking it up on google,
why does he only reach out to me when he’s drunk?
Are you afraid of me when you are sober,
or are you simply just not that into me?

I don’t know what to do about this shit,
I was supposed to just have you make me feel good,
Good about myself again, after a hurtful relationship,
You weren’t supposed to fix me, just make me feel a woman again.

In some sense you could not have me feel any more like a woman though,
I am sitting here, being in love,
like some kind of crazy teenager.
It is driving me nuts.

I don’t want to be like this,
I don’t want to be rejected,
that was exactly the point,
to get out of that sad and lonely feeling.

I am running from myself,
and I was counting on you.
I need you to keep me sane,
but yet you are the one making me lose it all.

It seemed so far away,
That dark place.
I knew it was there,
As I tiptood around it before.

I tried to be careful,
But the heart wants what it wants,
And god knows, I definitely do.
Even knowing that I should be into you.

For a while I kinda forgot about that dark place,
That pit in the ground I might sink in,
It seemed a bit further away for a while.
I still knew it was there, but I did not think about it as much.

Until bang I was reminded,
With just one look into your eyes,
One time standing too close,
As your breath touched my face.

As your breath touched my face,
You entered my heart.
My heart that needed rest,
That needed time to heal.

But nope, my heart was back in business,
Making sure I’d think about you all the time,
When I woke up, when I ate lunch, when I went to bed,
Being obsessed by you, even though my mind knew better.

My mind always knows better, but my heart is not okay.
And when my heart is not okay, it won’t let me take the lead.
It will race towards that god forsaken dark place in a matter of minutes,
And make me fall into that hole, that hole that had been there waiting.

It had been waiting for me to cross the line,
It had been waiting for all this time.
It wanted to devour me, swallow me whole,
And I blame you.

Even though you have never promised me anything,
It was you that made me go tot hat point of no return,
Then I realised though, that was not fair,
Not that it was a hole that was just there.

Someone had put it there, but I hadn’t realised that wasn’t you.
It was me who set it all up.
It was me taking the shovel, starting to dig.
It had always been me, trying to trap myself, and it will always be.