Category Archives: Struggle

Struggle

A bad one

I just found my poetry book from one hundred years ago (or may be 15..), and I just wanted to share a few things from there. This is one of my teenager poems:

After a lot of good days,
This is a bad one.
I gotta keep strong, always.
But what to do when the strength is gone?

It’s a nasty addiction,
Keeps on asking my attention,
I wih it would be fiction,
But sometimes I only feel the tension.

This atmosphere in my body parts,
It’s strange, what is going on?
Then the aching starts,
It will just go on and on.

Until I grab my skin,
Scratch it all, till it’s gone, the pressure.
But I’d be better off if I’d begin,
Begin to keep myself together: it is the only measure.

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Struggle

Home

This thing between us,
It did not start in a standard way.
It was crazy and weird,
But it felt kinda okay.

For many reasons
we did not make it then.
We were in different places,
You were just a friend.

Things are all so different now,
Between us I mean.
But the people around me,
Do not seem too keen.

They find it hard to trust you,
Or even me, being under your spell,
They are afraid you are just hurting me,
That your love is putting me through hell.

To me it does not feel that way at all,
Not that it has been a walk in the park,
But I know how I feel,
And this is more than just a spark.

I know you are not perfect for me,
We might not even fit together,
But I feel so much when I look at you.
My worries away, I feel so much better.

No one will ever be able to understand,
You are not just some syndrome,
Yes, you have me on shaky ground,
But at the same time you feel like home.

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Struggle

I’ll be okay

You stare at me with your big eyes,
I can see the pain and frustration.
I know you are trying to understand,
But stop seeing me as your patient.

Everytime you see the scars,
I see you watching the marks,
I feel you overthinking,
Hoping I’ll show you my cards.

You never seem to realise,
I am not able to share this with you,
Not because I do not want to,
But because there is nothing you can do.

Everytime we do this,
I will tell you I’ll be okay,
But I am starting to wonder,
Do I say it for you or for me?

At first I believed myself,
I thought this was just a phase.
I really had this scenario in mind,
That I could leave this behind.

These last few weeks have been different,
I notice myself saying I’ll be fine,
Not trying to comfort the people I love,
But just trying to convince this heart of mine.

While the truth of the matter is,
I am not sure if I will be okay.
So scared for the future,
I am nervous for a new day.

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